watched a bit more of the DVD...here are some pointers:
1. Do more of what works---figure out what works and take action. For me, that's acting chipper and enthusiastic with and about H even when I don't exactly feel that way. For my H, it would mean being accountable to me even when he really doesn't think it's necessary.
2. Focus on strengths--- Michele talks about how we find the one thing wrong and tell our partners about it. I think I hold back on positive comments because I am waiting to hear something positive from him, or because I know he looks for praise so much, so I don't give it because then I feel like his mother, but if he really that needy for it, I should do it.
3. Pay attention to how you make up--- figure out the way your arguments come to an end ( she calls this identifying truce triggers) and how your spouse signals to you that it's time to make up. I know that when H and I argue, I really try to push him away, but if I see he is holding on and not heading for the door, I begin to back down. There will always be fights...the idea is to catch yourself sooner. Michele shares some anecdotes about her own marriage...how she and her H resolve the tension( not necesarily the argument) quicker.
