H and I watched some more of the DVD...that curious 10 yr old son of mine popped in and wanted to know what we were watching ( I told him a boring tape on marriage and he ran out,lol). He ( and my daughter) are 2 major reasons to put the work into all this.
I was happy to see that my H had a good attitude and was actively listening ( no nodding off ). This part of the tape was about setting relationship goals...Michele asks the couples why is it that people don't make goals for the relationship and are more focused on personal goals ( like losing weight), and people commented that there is a lot of selfishness and "I" thinking in our society, and also there's a belief that good relationships are just supposed to happen. Michele asked the group to write down 2 things that you would like to change/improve in the marriage. She talked about the need to learn to request what you want rather than complain ( which gets met with resistance). The goals you come up with have to be solution-oriented goals...things said in a positive way that are reasonable and doable within a 2 week time frame. This was helpful for me because I tend to be a "big picture" person and I am waiting for that time when things feel really right; by doing this, I am missing out on the progress along the way. I also tend to do things in an all-or-nothing way, instead of making little goals along the way. I know I need to let go of my cynical, negative side a bit more and bring in positivity.
Anyway, I am glad I watched this part and H was too---it feels like we have a road map to a healthier relationship. I feel a little like Ms. Suzy Sunshine today...I set a few goals and got them done, had an upbeat convo with H, and just greeted my cerebral, intense type 5 daughter with a huge hug and some fresh fruit on the table ( she just stared at me with her huge, perplexed eyes).
