Things took an upswing the minute I changed my approach and stopped contacting him.
I am by no means out of the woods yet, so I am still waiting for the ultimate success.
My mood has risen a bit since Monday. I had been thinking about my baby a lot, but I feel better now. It helps having these few days in between contact to re-centre myself.
Haven't talked to you in a while. I'm sorry about your hurting, but what a blessed deed you are doing for those women who are getting your eggs. You are giving the gift of life to someone who can't do it on their own. That must make you feel really good. I think it speaks volumes about what a good person you are.
Was your H in MLC at D-Day? I think my W is and I was wondering about your H's turnaround.
I have an update on my new thread if the info would help your answer.
I'm not sure about MLC. My H is 30, he was only 27 when he dropped the bomb so I can't imagine that it would be as that's too young really for MLC.
Your W is 34, isn't she? Maybe you can get an early MLC.
I do think my H has always loved me, but had some type of depression or breakdown because we had 3 very small kids at the time, 2 businesses, families that never got on, I had physical health problems. It was one thing after another.
In the last 4 or 5 months before the bomb, he got really quiet and didn't want sex as much as before. Then he just flipped one night because our dd (who was 2 then) was crying and he just said this is it, I can't take it anymore.
He displayed symptoms of depression (aggression, being withdrawn, stopping his usual activities etc). He didn't go to work so the shop closed. He took the kids out of school and disappeared for a month. Then he'd be like 'I'm sorry, I don't know what's happening to me.'
I have seen him one day acting really confident and resolute without me and another day on the floor with his head in his hands saying I am not the only one who is suicidal.
I always had a sexual R with him up until it got nasty at court and he found OW. So even though this has been going on for 3 years, we only had 1 year out of that time where we were truly separated.
He changed his mind just a couple of weeks prior the D, I think as a result of me being 'dark' and him working through a lot of his issues. He's much more religious than he ever was before and he's changed in a lot of ways (mostly good ways) and he still loves me after all of that so I think he's come through his depression and come out the other side.
He would say it wasn't depression, but knowing him like I do, and seeing his behaviour from the outside, I would say he had depression too.
Thanks for your kind comments re the eggs, I can't wait for my appointment!
Depression is so very common among the WASs, isn't it? I am glad to hear that he was able to grow out of it. This gives me hope about my WAW.
Quote: I do think my H has always loved me, but had some type of depression or breakdown because we had 3 very small kids at the time, 2 businesses, families that never got on, I had physical health problems. It was one thing after another.
This is also familiar. M W and I had so many stressors in our life - some chosen, like school and jobs, some not, like her gallbladder giving out and her C-section with S5, financial problems.
I'm hoping that the reverse is true as well, with good happenings related to 'us', the R, or (in her eyes) to me.
I also admire how you can still be thinking of others (e.g, your egg donation) during a tough time.
Well, I'm no saint. The egg donation is to GAL for me as well as to benefit the women.
I get to do something I have wanted to do since I was 19 and never done. It also helps me to feel better about what happened to my baby, so I get emotional comfort through doing it.
The fact that it also helps others to have a family is like the icing on the cake to me!
I recieved the info from the clinic today. As well as HIV tests and other blood tests, I also have to be injected with HCG (the pregnancy hormone which stops women from having a period and is thought to be responsible for causing morning sickness).
I am wondering if I will get sick. I will ask her. It doesn't put me off, but it's nice to be prepared!
I have to go to the clinic to get stuck with needles, early every morning (don't know why it has to be early), and I also have to have ultrasound scans of my ovaries (sonogram, do you call it in the States?) to see how many eggs are growing etc and they apparently will put a camera in the vagina so they can see more clearly (ouch!).
Then I have to have an operation where they pass a needle up through the vagina and kind of suck the eggs out of my ovaries via the needle. They said it can be done with either a local or a general anasthetic but I am asking for a general, I am too chicken to do it with a local!
I will get an en suite room with satillite TV
The nurse says she will call me in a couple of days to arrange for me to go and have coffee and chat at the clinic so that I can ask any questions before they start.
I think, next to having my own kids, this is the most exciting thing I've contemplated in a long time..
Quote: I will get an end suite room with satillite TV
Sign me up!
It is a wonderful way to give back, and to grow from a past hurt. You're doing a marvelous thing. It will involve some ouches, and I again admire you for facing that.
Thanks for your post on my thread earlier. I needed that.
That is more complicated than I had imagined Jo. Of course I never checked out the female version of "donating" before.
Thanks for the help on my thread Jo. I hope none of my stuff gets you down much or takes away from your progress.
Although i don't reply much on your thread, I do read here and other places you post. Often I feel like e-mailing your H and say have OW move out in 10 days and go to Jo's life coach and be a family.
I know I can't do that and If I did e-mail your H with my suggestions, it would not help much.
I tried to help the deliquent boys in the grouphome I worked in without much success. It seem everyone has to make mistakes for themselves. What a pitty. (time waster)
I like to think that many of the answers are in books and if we read the correct books we could fix the R quick. Some people do, what is wrong with us? Why re-invent the wheel when we can read how one is made and how it works on paper, then practice making one and practice using it.
and most of the 'downstairs' stuff they have to do will have to be done under a general anasthetic because of pelvic problems I mentioned on the other thread, but I don't care, it would be worth it.
It can't hurt more than actually having a baby and I've had 4 of those.
You never make me down, Lou, nor does anyone else on here. I've been suicidal before, remember, I know what it's like to feel hopeless.
H wouldn't like it if you emailed him like that, he'd be most annoyed but I really appreciate the thought.
I believe he will get there in his own mind eventually. Thankfully OW is an EX with her bf so I am not worried about her and to be honest I have never had any sexual insecurity which sometimes makes me wonder if I'm weird as most people who have PA's have problems in bed and with betrayal, yet I just think 'Yippee, he chose me, I am better at sex than her.' It gave me a sexual boost rather than making me insecure.
Do you think that's normal or am I nuts?
You sound quite down, Lou. Don't be. You have friends here. You can always email or IM me if you want, greekgoddess472@hotmail.com
I understand if you don't want to but the offers there if you get really down.
That applies to anyone else on here who needs a chat, I am available on IM to all of you. M problems hurt so much, it's good to have friends.
Most of the feeling down might be improved if I got out more. I work in the basement for 6 hours and pick up or deliver for 2 hours a day. Just quick delivery visits or business like repairs. Not enough off hours socialising.
I went to the community center and got a list of activities they have. I found 2 things that interest me.
BB calls this web site a porn site, although I have told her we discuss topics about relationship that are in the books Michele publishes. I also told myself as long as what I post is public I am not doing anything wrong. I also do not want to feel like I am involved in an internet affair with someone. I have shared some thecnical or work related experiences with other folks by e-mail.
Jo, thanks for the offer. I appreciate it deeply but would have reservations or concerns about someone turning it into something it was not intended to be.
Part of my work experience at the grouphome included giving one boy money for a large bottle of soda. The other boys got to drink some of the soda but turned me in for showing favrotism to this one boy. They suspected I liked the boy in an impropper way. The state sent in a person to investigate this and another incident with this same boy. I was off work for a week until the investigator arrived.
The investorgator did his thing and said to quit acting like a parent and quit trying to help the bratty kids. They will just use anything they can to make it look like you are the villian so they don't look so bad because of their criminal behavior that got them in the deliquent boys group home. Just goes to show you, even having empathy for someone can get you into trouble.
Jo, I don't put you any where near this situation. Just saying I try to be too careful sometimes and the reasons why. I still have to do some work on the things you suggested to reduce or treat UTI's. I might ask some questions later.
