Yes, I did not want to mention it at all, esp. with everybody being Catholic on this BB - EPC's wouldn't exactly go down well. But I felt I had to otherwise people wouldn't understand why I got upset when H mentioned my sister's baby.

Yes, you're right. I need to forgive myself. I haven't yet. I still feel masses of guilt over what happened. I should have left it, it might have been okay.
H has been through all of this and forgiven himself; as a woman I have not got to that stage yet.

No one apart from another woman can understand the ecstasy of pregnancy. I felt at my most sensual and creative at these times. My children are my greatest works of art.

Yes, H has forgiven me. He let go of the whole nasty event a long time ago and bears no grudges. He says our baby is in the afterlife, waiting to greet us when we die and that maybe it's purpose was not to live here physically anyway. He's very philosophical. I wish I could be more like that, but I was the one who had to sign the consent form... It was like signing an execution order.

Re 'birds and bees' convo - I was terrified! I kept laughing as well because I was so embarrassed. I did tell her that sex is meant for when you're in love and you should hopefully be married, as I wanted it to be more about love and R's than about physical actions.

Her response did make me laugh On the one hand, she says she's NEVER having sex, on the other hand she tells me she wants a DD called Amy

Help!!! - she's named my grandchild already and I'm only 27!

You sound like me in terms of your wants for a family. I wanted 6, H nearly had a cardiac arrest, lol He happily agreed to 3 and then later said yes to our 4th but said she is our definate last...then all that stuff happened.

I never had to 'try' - I get pg first time, straight away. H is always making jokes about how he only has to look at me so he never got the 'try, try again' opportunity

Now he's like completely paranoid with the contraception as he knows how fertile I am. I sometimes laugh and think to myself, next he will be ML with me in full body riot gear!

Hey, you never know, if you get back with W, she will be in the 'I'm so in love' phase again so you could try and persuade her to 'practice' then

Jo.