No, don't go there. You are insisting on a very appropriate boundary. And H needs to learn to respect it. Be gentle but firm about it.
I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your baby. As a man, H probably cannot fathom how much that loss affected you, but it is up to the two of you to process together at some point.
Try to hold onto the reality that you still have 4 wonderful daughters walking the earth with you. I know that a loss like that drags one back to the past, but try to focus on the present, the 'here-and-now' with your girls and your H. This will really help your DDs feel loved and accepted by you, and be fuller women when they grow up. They won't quite get your lose either, but that it not their responsibility. Their job is to play and to learn, and they'll learn about womanhood mainly from you. Try to give them as much access to your heart as you can. [When the moment is right, maybe even consider talking to the older one's about their sibling who died, but only after you're more comfortable doing so, and can help them through this information as their mother.]
You are definitely, completely not responsible for that loss, Jo. That was a horrid thing for H to say at the time. I hope that he has apologized for those words at some point.
If you are against H's V, are you sure that donating your eggs is a good idea at the moment?
