Well we went out to dinner with this friend. I knew her already but only to say hello to. We never really talked before this day.
I found out some startling coincidences regarding our lives. I will list them all:
She has heritage from another country but lives in the UK (same as me).
Her mother only had partial custody of her when she was a child (same as I do with my kids) and her mother walked out on her at age 12 because of controlling behaviours of her father (same as I did for 8 months).
She lost her father at a young age due to alcohol (I lost my father at 18, due to cigarettes).
She has a history of depression and suicide attempt (same as me).
She met her H in May 1994 (I fell in love with mine in Feb 1994).
She married in May 1995 (I married in December 1995).
She had a daughter on 4th March 1996 (My daughter was DUE 6th March 1996 but was born overdue on 17th March 1996).
Length of labour was 12 hours in her case, 11 hours in my case (so almost the same).
Don't you think that's a bit spooky?
I was looking through all her photos and it made me a bit sad because I was thinking 'Oh yes, I did that that year' and 'I remember doing that on the other year' - except she still has her H and kids.
I tried very hard to stay positive. We will definately be staying in touch now.
I write my next installment, earlier than expected.
I was listening to music when there was a knock at the door. It's quite late here so I was a bit nervous.
Went to the door to find my H standing there!
I was so shocked I just said 'Oh.'
He doesn't call round unannounced, he always phones first. He just turned up. He said it was because he 'wanted to surprise me' and he was worried about the 'I don't know if I can be faithful' remark.
I was totally caught off guard. I intended to wear combat pants next time he saw me and instead I was wearing that celtic dress with the lace up front that he likes.
I made him a cup of tea and asked him where his other women were tonight (dig about the faithful remark) - he laughed nervously and told me I am the Thursday one, and then said 'that's a joke darling' (I knew it was a joke).
He talked about this computer job he's done and this £200 fine he has to pay. I told him about my friend and all the weird coincidences about our lives. I told him about some problems with work.
He talked about this spiritual/religious group he goes to and he said 'I'll have to take you with me some time.'
We discussed another one of my friends and how she has similar interests to both of us so we wanted to have a group evening out at some point.
We were talking for ages. I told him about some shelves I have bought so I can have all my work neatly instead of in crates on the floor.
We discussed how awkward it is, running a business from a 2 bed place with a child.
DD4 then heard her father and shouted from her bedroom 'Daddy, I'm asleep!' Both him and me started laughing.
He then said did I still want him after what happened. I made an effort to keep the convo non-sexual. He said he thought I was a bit stand-offish, more so than usual.
I stated I am being careful and not sure whether I should go near him in the circumstances. People's advice on here has been conflicting.
He looked a bit sad and started talking about how he should schedule more time for me and would make an evening to come over and watch a movie with me.
I said it's nearly my birthday soon and for my present I want you to stay overnight and ML with me 3 times in one night like you did on my 26th birthday. He laughed and said what if I can't rise to the ocassion? I said he could
We hugged each other and then I didn't know what else to say. I felt awkward after the R talk we had.
After a bit, he asked me if I still liked him. I thought, damn it, this is making him feel rejected, so I said yes I do and yes I want you too, but you sure as hell aren't going to tell me you can't be faithful and then disappear!
He said okay, I won't - so I ML with him on the spot
We chatted for ages afterwards, then he said about seeing a movie again. He also said he'd fix my printer tomorrow.
When it was time for him to go, I walked to the door as I was, kinda thing, IYKWIM, and he grinned at me and said 'You're just like Lady Chatterley'
And he kissed me and said see you tomorrow.
I just loved that book, and the film - though I reckon Joely Richardson who played Lady Chatterley is probably better looking.
Quote: After a bit, he asked me if I still liked him. I thought, damn it, this is making him feel rejected, so I said yes I do and yes I want you too, but you sure as hell aren't going to tell me you can't be faithful and then disappear!
No, Jo it's called making him be responsable to the relationship.
Good for you. Reasureing to him and also letting him you will not be a doormat. Make him buy into the relationship like you did above. No free lunch.
I liked your relationship agrement and posted a computer parody version of relationship problems after your post.
Thanks for your post, Lou. I left a computer joke on the other forum.
Well, I feel sick because today this woman rang up from the BBC, wanting me to do another TV programme.
This time they want me arguing with a panel of people who are diseased in some way and I have to argue the anti-medications argument at them.
I imagine it might get quite nasty
It's directed by the same bloke that does TOP GEAR (car programme in UK, never watched it but H used to like it). My only problem is, it is pre-recorded which means that they can edit out some stuff I say which might end up distorting what was said - journalists have a habit of sensationalising me
I have done this LOADS of times since 1996, and every time I am still just as nervous. I can remember standing behind the set before walking into the TV studio, feeling as if I would faint, and it NEVER gets less scary.
I can't go on with my hair looking like this; I'll have to get it styled before the filming.
Do you reckon I should wear a suit? Normally I wear like a nice dress, or something, but since this is a pre-planned fight, maybe I should look more serious....
Quote: it is pre-recorded which means that they can edit out some stuff I say which might end up distorting what was said - journalists have a habit of sensationalising me
Ioavva. I agree with the feelings of being "edited to sensationalize".
You know most TV is related to ratings and not always to truth. Are you cast as the "Bad guy" or the "consumer advocate" in most of your TV programs.
Some people get upset with some of the bad guy characters in entertainment programs. If the program did not have a bad guy in, it would not be worth watching.
I watch Arab generated news once in a while. The Arab news say XYZ was in 'occupied Palestine". The Jewish news say XYZ was in "Israel", same location, two different prospectives.
Quote: Do you reckon I should wear a suit? Normally I wear like a nice dress, or something, but since this is a pre-planned fight, maybe I should look more serious....
What image does the organization you represent want you to portray? Nothing to do with clothing, but I heard most people take a woman who wears glasses as more knowledgable than one that doesn't wear eye glasses. Jo, I am a bad one to ask about clothing. Not much on style, just as long as it is not wierd. No spiked orange hair, YNWIM?
OG Lou. Make some money with this BBC thing if you can Jo.
Did you ever see 'Captain Corelli's Mandolin' ? - well Penelope Cruz who played Pelagia (Greek girl) - my hair is the same as her's was in the film. Long, dark brown and a bit wild now as I never do anything with it.
H has dd's 1, 2 and 3 all with the same long fly away hair like mine
I don't know, I've been thinking of cutting most of it off and having it short. H is right, I do look like a 12 year old (well, I could pass for an 18 year old). I look at my photos from then and they are the same as now except now I have lines under my eyes from all the DB'ing and court hearings!
I am still a size 8 despite having 4 children (don't know what that size is in US? 36??) and can wear clothes that say '15/16 yrs' on the label. Sometimes I do buy these as there's no VAT on kids sizes so it saves me money.
I'm only 5 foot 2 so my dd1 is up to my shoulder already at age 9 and I'm only 2 shoes sizes bigger than she is now.
That's why people mistake me for their older sister. I remember once I went with H to a customer's house and she assumed I was his daughter even though he was only 28 at the time and looked too young to be my dad.
She asked me if I wanted to watch children's TV and referred to H as my dad. I said 'No, this is my husband' - you should've seen the look on her face!
I've also had 'mind that little girl' (meaning me) when in the supermarket, even though I had wedding rings on my fingers and was 6 months pregnant.
So as you can imagine, I don't want to go on TV looking like a kid - so I'm thinking suit is probably better than dress.
Going through a D had one advantage - the facial lines now make me nearer my age. At least I can buy alcohol in the shop now without having to get H along to 'prove'that we're married!
Re the programme, generally the public percieve me as an expert due to me having read scientific papers continously for 10 years. I have no science qualifications and until a few weeks ago, had no medical ones either, but because I spent my life burried in medical books, I know more about it than the average GP.
Often what dr's tell you is not the same as what the med journals tell you and not the same as what the consumer tells you, and we are the ones who matter since we are the ones taking the drugs and if you get a large number of people sick then that is more convincing evidence to me than 1 dr who says he has a degree - you don't need a degree to show you casual R.
Well, I understand all the med talk and articles so I translate them into plain English and print them for Joe Public.
I became quite well known because of this and a lot of dr's hate me but the homeopaths love me and sell all my work. I am getting more accepted though, as I have pharmacists ring me for advice and the health service here refer people to me if they have questions they can't answer.
Journalists are usually fairly good and have represented my work fairly in the past, but most of my TV shoots have been live feeds rather than pre-recorded and I'm not sure I trust a journalist with an edit button. I shall have to think about it.
For most new programmes I get paid (average between £50 to £100 per programme and I'm only on for 5 minutes). The documentaries I wasn't paid but then I get about 50 calls a day after those so it's good for sales.
Some of them would provide free hotels if I had to travel to do the programme (I remember a few 'dirty weekends' with H because they'd summoned us half way across the country - free room service etc).
One shoot which was local they paid for cabs and gave us all free beer. I met Nicky Campbell (DJ) there but he was not the same in real life as on the radio. Different persona altogether.
The radio and newspaper work is always unpaid although it's publicity so it's worth doing to get the message out.
Magazines normally pay quite a lot (average £300 an article).
Most money comes through book sales to businesses and libraries (I sold to the library and got quite a lot for that).
My third book I'm working on which has nothing to do with my work, is all unpaid work for now till I can get it printed! I pray it will work out. It has the storyline most journalists would kill for and it's all true. This is my big hope of getting out of writer's poverty (writers are rarely well off unless they make it big).
I am definitely not in my career for the money, but even though it pays peanuts I love it which is why I carry on with it.
