It's feels like babysitting now, after everything and he refers to it as babysitting if he asks me to watch them so HE can do something, whereas if it's just ordinary contact, or I ask to have them, he doesn't call it babysitting.
I feel like an aunt to my 3 older dd's, in fact once when I went to dd2's birthday 20 months ago and I didn't know any of the adults there so I introduced myself as dd2's 'birth mother' rather than her mother. It was automatic till I'd said it, then I realised what I'd said. She hasn't lived with me since she was 4, and it does make a difference even if it shouldn't, or maybe it was all the legal stuff, I don't know.
I think you misunderstand the source of my previous depression, though. It was never the kids that caused it, it was my break up with H. I never had any trouble dealing with the kids apart from when I had PND with dd1.
I was always their main child carer, breast fed them to toddlerhood, bought all their clothes, dressed them all, made most of the childcare decisions and did the majority of the care as H worked outside the home and my job is part-time and from the house so it made more sense for me to look after them.
He has only done most of it with them since he left and took them with him. The depression was an issue to the court but by the time it came to trial I was recovered and then they just said the kids have lived with him for so long it's not fair to move them (what they call in legal terms the 'status quo' argument) and he had OW so he was a 2 parent family and could offer them more than me as a single parent (I'm not kidding, they did say that about single parents).
The only reason I ever get stressed out with them is when I'm stressed out with him. I.e, if he's upset me or something is on my mind about the R, then the stress gets to me and carries through into my parenting even though I try hard to act normal.
When everything is ok between us, I feel ok therefore I am more tolerent of the children's behaviour and can cope with crying/tantrums better.
I have worked a great deal over the last 3 years for my M not to affect them so much, but I still have odd days where it does.
