Lou,

I'm going to sit him down and talk to him next time I see him as I'm coming to the end of my patience as far as 'taking things slow' is concerned.

His version of'taking things slow' and mine are very different. The way he takes it slow inhibits the development of a proper R. He gets to see me sometimes, he decides if we go out, what we do and keeps it a secret from people so he can have a implication-free get out clause.

I DON'T feel used by the sex, but I do feel used by his living arrangements. If you imagine he took me to court to get my kids and then he lied to them about his cirumstances and then he's basically had people doing childcare for him ever since while denying me the R I want with my kids - well, he's never had to take responsibiity for his decision to have them.

So when he won't let me take part with their home ed yet he has people at home cooking their tea and ironing their clothes and babysitting them (instead of me) that makes me angry.

I don't know how to raise the subject without coming across as attacking.

Re the boots - this pair I've been wearing for 2 years and they have holes in the soles so I'm getting rid of them in a couple of weeks anyway.
He's seen me wear them every time we've met. I think the subject came up because I told DD's 1 and 2 not to kill the ladybirds and that might have reminded him. Plus, over the last 3 yrs since the separation while I have got more lax, he has got more hard-line. He's gone quite religious over it and is training in various subjects.
He wants to be a clinical herbalist and he's been making enquiries to move to this ecologically sustained community, so when ex-ow and bf move, he will have a whole load more people helping.

I knew about this plan from last December and told him then that I was going with him and if I didn't I was leaving him for good, i.e, no more sex or anything else.
He accepted this, so I will either end up milking cows somewhere and planting organic veg with a lot of eco-warriers or we will go our separate ways.

Right now I can't imagine leaving him after the progress I have made the last few months and I don't want to but if it happens like that I will have to, as I can't sustain a no-commitment thing forever.

He did say ILY which is a massive change after 3 yrs but I guess I'm waiting for him to prove it.

Jo.