Hey Ioavva, I just caught the post about the kids.
Sounds like they've been thru a lot of change and are showing it. They will calm down when things are more predictable. Maybe you and H can talk about each DD and agree on (generally) ways to treat them. Realize that they're not china dolls, so insisting that the older D's get their own drinks (and helping to clean up the mess if they spill) is the only way for them to eventually learn. Compliments go miles with kids, so ooing and ahhing about one's ability to be Mommy's helper will lead the others toward helping, too, especially at times when you're at your rope's end.
I imagine you're fighting off some guilt with the kids, too. Be on guard against overcompensating for kids' bad behavior etc... and work hard to treat them normally (as-ifing with kids, if you would).
In terms of sex, this is one DBing male who thinks you are doing exactly the right thing. You are not competing with OW, you two are starting to piece the R together, and it just plain fits. If it were me, it would be helping me to grow closer with W, as I watched her over time stay healthy and grow in independence and self-assurance.
I appreciate you noting about this happening near your period. I have seen drastic changes in my W depending on that, and it amazes me how the "sky is falling" conclusion I end up with turns to "its all better now!" a few days later. Try to cut yourself some slack for a bit, huh?
Final note: It is wise to give yourself a break from D4 when you think you're about to lose it. Before that point, consider shutting everything down and asking for quiet snuggle time with her. Just the 2 of you, eyes closed, sitting snuggled on the couch. I've found this to work like magic with S5 even after the most blazing acting out and button-pushing he does. It calms me down, gives him what he wanted in the first place (my attention), and teaches him how to self-manage his mood. It also feeds my confidence as a parent when I would have been really doubting it a few minutes earlier.
