Jo wrote --------- I have thought of maybe limiting it or showing less physical interest in him. --------- Jo. You decide if you want to have a SL with your H. The only thing I would advise is to make him do more for you or with you. Put it into something like you are having some difficulty keeping your feelings high for him when he is late and does not call, or when he does not include you in the home ed activities, you wonder if he is only half commited the ILY statement or only horney? You might say you get horney too but you want something more then to be friends with benefits. (F/shagg buddies)
One of the things I saw in your post about his living arangements is he has little motivation to move back home with you. He has child care providers so he can go out when ever he wants, he has a cleaning service, and maybe food preperation service too.
Because he is not married to anyone in his house there is no reason to be on time. His arrangement is sort of like living with relatives, close friends but no formal commitments to anyone. Close friend that fill in the gaps like a communal living cooperative.
I hope the XOW and her bf get their new house or flat sooner rather than later, then H will have to do something that might involve you and the kids more.
Jo I dont see you as a greedy person wanting something unreasonabble. I probally want similar things you want. A stable relationship, to be friends, to be able to count on each other, intimate and sexual pleasures exchanged fairly, financial security, to raise kids in a loving environment and so on.
Look how far you have come and grown. Look at the mistakes you made and how you overcame those behaviors. Look at where you want to be in a year or too. Ask H where he wants to be in a year or two, about where he sees the R without asking about marriage if that is going to scare him away.
RE; Leather goods. Would he go for you buying used leather goods? You could say it was ashamed the animal had to die but wasting it's resources seems like a double crime. By using the leather you are honoring the animals life by putting it's products to good use. I don't expect many vegitarians to buy that, but that is how I feel sometimes.
Ethical choices. During WWI, the German military subjected many people to several degrees of cold to determine how long people lived with different equipment on. The data was saved. So is it better to throw away the data because crimes were commited when collecting the data for those cold experiments, or would using the data also be a way of honoring the victims of the cold experiments?
