You're not further along than me. I'm in Johannesburg. You're not selfish but It's my opinion for what its worth that you've mastered most everything about DB except dealing with a controller. Sex is how controllers control. At the last 3 hour session where my W launched an all out frontal assault I listened saw her pain and realized how I've caused that pain. I validated her feelings and at the end I was moved by my heart to say "You know what I'm thinking when I see you in so much pain?" She replied "you want to have sex!" She and all the books relate controllers wanting sex as controlling. by the way I wasn't thinking about sex I was thinking about how she was hurt, how she attacked, and for the first time how I didn't defend my past or argue how she was wrong but rather loved her. My reply was "No, I was thinking of how much I've hurt you and how I love you." And with that we are selling the house. Go figure? It just goes to show that even if your heart is in the right place and you practice DB you still lose when your spouse heart turns cold. good night
