Hi Lou

My H doesn't use childcare providers, just friends. He's got loads of people living at his house so he isn't like a true 'single father' and only did it on his own for 3 months out of these 3 years.

When we first split up he took them to his friend Kat and paid her to look after them while he was at work (there was no romantic involvement). I don't blame him for this as you all know how depressed I was at the time.
Then he got depressed himself and stopped going to work so the shop closed and Kat said she wasn't babysitting anymore because he was taking advantage (her words).

He went virtually every weekend to his mothers or a friend's and so in that respect, care of our children was shared with them.

I also started visitation 2 days a fortnight.

Then I started dating him so I shared care with him for 7 months.

Then we split again and he had 3 months completely on his own before he moved OW in.
Since he and OW split (they were never truly together - they only met twice before she moved in) he has been dating me so we share care again, admittedly I am more hands-offish this time around.

Ex-OW is still on the housing list waiting to be transferred back to Ipswich where she came from, and she's currently kipping at H's house (in the cellar to be precise ) with her bf (24 yrs), her dd (17 yrs) and her ds (14 yrs).

It's her dd 17yrs who he asks to babysit.

It's only a 3 bed house and H has his room, our dd's share 1 room between all of them. Ex-OW's dd 17yrs is in what used to be my dd3's bedroom, Ex-OW's ds 14yrs is permanently on the sofa, Ex-OW and her bf have converted the cellar into a make-shift bedroom where they are most of the time, except when she goes to bf's place in Ipswich for 'dirty weekends'.

DD1 was telling me all about when they were decorating it and how Ex-OW likes to paint so she was painting stuff for the walls of this cellar and I couldn't stop laughing. Then next time I saw H I joked with him it was like Cinderella and did he let her out to cook the dinner?

He didn't see the funny side of my joke much and said she's down there with Mr. P (bf) most of the time, shagging, and that he gives her free board until she finds somewhere else, in exchange for her doing chores.

So basically he gets his babysitting sorted by the dd 17yrs and the housework done by Ex-OW so he's never had to do it for real.

I hasten to add I am not remotely bothered by this arrangement as the bf is there (I have met him - I don't know how she gets them so young, she's 46! ), and she's on a list to leave, but H is looking round for another place at some point in the future and I've told him I'm going with him (he didn't say no).

I am a bit worried by what it's like for the kids being with all those people, but I guess it might be like living on a commune.

The thing that DOES bug me, though, is that he has 3 evenings per week when he's out, he's booked up to the hilt during the day (usually stuff with the kids). I am still hoping he will let me go with them on a home ed meeting and he says 'yes' and nothing happens - in my opinion he could either skip one of his social's just once for me or at least let me join in with the kids stuff if he doesn't want to do that.
So I don't feel terribly empathic about his babysitting sitch.

Re not feeling like a servant, DD1 and 2 are ages 9yrs and 7yrs so they are able to get themselves drinks, although they don't most of the time. DD2 (the 7yr old) lacks coordination and tends to drop her drinks if she makes them herself.
I should get them to do more, though. I do all the chores and never ask them to do anything except tidy away their toys.

DD1 is certainly old enough to help.

Jo.