H's attitude toward becoming a parent sounds a lot like mine. I too was gung-ho about "my" S5s birth. Lost focus of my W at that time, and was poorly supportive of her. W holds resentment about that.
Also, I too was too easily frustrated with my W's depression. She is fearful of my ability to be supportive of her, I believe. Well, this a going to be a challenge, but I'm going to do my best to be supportive from a distance. Maybe then, she'll rethink her opinion of me. This will stretch us both, and hopefully she'll see that I'm not quite the source of her prior feelings of unmet needs and stiffling.
Its scary and frustrating to focus on the possibilities of the WAS changing and seeing their role in things. Thats why most of us need to keep focused on ourselves.
Your art session with the kids sounds like a wonderful idea. Further evidence of your good mothering! S5 took it upon himself to make about 10 quick drawings for my studio walls when he noticed how bare the walls were when I first moved in. He is such a blessing in my life. That art will stay up til I move out in August, and will be kept and placed safely elsewhere at the house when I move back, so that when he's older, we can talk about his give of love and reaching out to dad at a very dark time in his father's life. We definitely don't have a role-reversed relationship, but I do claim and cherish his gifts when they are spontaneously given. I hope you can accept such gifts from your children and just merely enjoy and celebrate them as well, Ioavva.
