Quote: sent an email saying the same thing that I told Ellie to H, his response was 'I don't know what you're getting so stressed about' (brush off).
I tried to discuss it with him but he refused to look at my side other than to tell me that my opinion did matter but providing no evidence as to how it mattered.
Then once he couldn't make me agree that he is right to send the kids round to my mother's, he blew up in my face 'I might have known it would be about this! It's ALWAYS about this! Just like the old days!' (the old days when we fought about my mother and stuff she'd done all the time).
Do you think maybe you pushed to hard for a concession or continued conversation?
There's a difference between simply stating what you want ("I would rather the girls not see my mom and these are my reasons why") and pushing H to give you a specific answer ("Oh my gosh, of course YOU are right, dear Jo!"). Mars and Venus talks about how women like to hash everything out, and men like to keep it simple. So maybe it would work better with him to simply state your wants, then let it percolate in his brain?
Also - what do you think is the underlying issue here for him? Is he connected to your mom as a "substitute mom" in some way? Does he see you forgiving your mom as a corollary to you forgiving him?
Anyway - the best way to defuse a sitch like this is through validation. Something like "I'm sorry for pushing so much yesterday, I know you are just trying to be kind to my mother."
That leaves the door open for him to say something like "yes, but I understand why she scares you".
Then you could say something like "I just worry about her hurting you with more false accusations".
