I have been wondering about this. I have an addictive personality. I used to smoke, finally quit 3 years ago. Now I love chocolate. I also have gotten back into collecting audiophile CD recordings. I have noticed that when I like something, I want more of it. This does not affect me with drinking or other bad things. I have a six pack of beer thats been in the fridge for 4 months, even though I really like drinking a good beer. Do you think HD and addictive personality could be related? This could be a good discussion!
God is love, love is blind, Ray Charles is blind......so there.
IMO...no, not necessarily. See HD/LD is a perspective. While I am HD in this R I have been LD in another. What one person views as HD can be LD in someone else's view and vice-versa.
HD/LD is in relation to the person you are with at the time. I could personally be content having sex once a week...but right now, in my R with my H that still makes me the HD partner. Some other people would go nuts with that and consider me LD from their POV.
OTOH there are those people who do become addicted to sex , for them it is an actual addiction....and there may be other things (drugs/alcohol/porn) etc that they would be succeptible to for addictions as well.
My take on it is that I think that maybe being HD and not dealing with it very well -- or, more broadly -- not dealing with conflict very well, (which would make up more than a small subset of this SSM community) could be the same type of person who has other "addictive" problems in their life?
Speaking for myself, I could easily have sexual addiction problems if I wasn't careful, and I drink too much on occasion and am the child of an alcoholic. But I'd say that my bigger problems are PROCRASTINATION, CONFLICT-AVOIDANCE and a general lack of conflict-resolution skills (I'm more likely to just say "screw it," and sulk).
I'm anxious to see what the others say!
Choc., who thought about starting this same topic a few months ago, but kept putting it off ...
Touchy topic. Nobody wants to admit that their focus on sex might be more about obsession than the sex itself...
Different behaviors in different circumstances does not disprove anything. We are all complex beings.
If we are using sex (or alcohol or food or whatever) to avoid some painful reality (loneliness, anxiety, neediness, whatever), that is the definition of addiction. Obviously, there are varying degrees. IMO, if sex is about filling a lack in myself (and has neediness associated with it) rather than sharing abundance, then there is something unhealthy that I need to work on in myself. I am using my partner rather than sharing joy.
If we are using sex (or alcohol or food or whatever) to avoid some painful reality (loneliness, anxiety, neediness, whatever), that is the definition of addiction. Obviously, there are varying degrees. IMO, if sex is about filling a lack in myself (and has neediness associated with it) rather than sharing abundance, then there is something unhealthy that I need to work on in myself. I am using my partner rather than sharing joy.
INDEED!
God is love, love is blind, Ray Charles is blind......so there.
I'll admit to being the original "Don't drink, don't smoke, what do you do?" girl, but I don't think that necessarily makes me a sex addict. I don't think there's a simple dichotomy between either "using" your partner or "sharing joy" either.
Let's say it's a boring, dreary Sunday afternoon in March in Michigan. I turn to my spouse and suggest
a) that we bake some chocolate chip cookies. b) that we go take a hike. c) that we go see a movie. d) that we have some sex. e) that we go get some beers and watch sports. f) that we go downtown and score some crack.
Let's say my spouse isn't all that interested in my suggestion to go to the theatre but I try to talk him into it. Would I be using him to further the interests of my "cinema-addiction" if I managed to get him to agree to go to a movie?
Would I be any less of a crack-addict if my partner was as eager as me to indulge in that activity?
I kind of believe everybody has their own personal set of preferred vices or ways to deal with feelings of boredom/neediness etc.. My unique leisure/vice-phenotype would cause me to usually pick Activity D but frequently Activities A,B and C, rarely be in the mood for D and never in the mood for E.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
There are many reasons I might want sex and it is neither always as good as sharing joy nor always as bad as using.
For instance, it is my preferred way to fall back to sleep when hit with insomnia. I will also find myself quite horny if I have no good books in the house and there is nothing worthwhile on TV. You'll notice in these two scenarios that it is mostly about me and a negative circumstance I find myself in, rather than being about my husband and wanting to share anything with him. Oh well, that's the breaks.
Sometimes it's intense and emotional and intimate, other times it's a quick O and back to dreamland.
I don't have addictive tendencies but I do have a propensity for "hobbies du jour" and get really interested in things for short periods of time. It remains to be seen whether my R is my latest hobby, or whether this will remain a long standing interest of mine. So far, it is one of the longest hobbies I've ever had.
Try to use that trait to your advantage and channel the energy into the R and get addicted to the joy that comes from the small, periodic improvements. Don't get addicted to this site.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
