Hello again, I have not writen for about three-four weeks now. Hurt to much. History, M coming to 10 in August. S6, D4, WAW domb dropped Oct 15/04. I moved out nov 15/04. Moved to my new pad Jan 15/05. Made many mistakes, even called OM. He then walked away.
Now my life is very busy. I have kids every Tuesday and Thursday overnight. and every second Friday,Saturday, and Sunday till 4:00 PM with me. Now the strange part, Wednesday, my soon to be X wants me to come to supper, stay and put kids to bed. On the weekend one does not have the kids, the other gets together for some time as a family.( This weekend was her's so I meet and took kids swimming, she left and went shopping for Easter stuff)
I am looking for any positve because I wanted and still want to be husband and wife. Is this a positive or just a woman trying to make the best life for her kids?
I need to stop looking to score the touch down and work on inches, a ground assault.
She has said to me how sex with a woman is about trust. And whichout that they can not be in the game. We lost that trust, stopped communicating. And the wheeels fell off.
I am not sure what your wife's motivations are when you ask if it is positive toward you or is she just being a good mom. I think everything sounds very positive in your relationship right now. You are able to be together peacefully for the sake of the children. We can always build on that.
In the meanwhile, keep up with your own personal positive changes, being a great father, and a great friend. Everytime that you are with her and the children it offers you a chance to use your divorcebusting skills.
If you have another thread with more information, it would be best to stay on one thread until it is full.
des
Arguing with reality is like trying to teach a cat to bark—hopeless. (Byron Katie)
Thanks for the note desdamona, What does that mean?
Strange, What I mean is spending so much time together pretending to be a family? Well we still are...
Do any of you separated/divorced DB's out there send much time with the other X partner? I know having young kids as I do is the reason. But if we did not have kids, would we be where I am now?....
The kids seam to like us being together, does that give them false hope? This is to be my weekend with the kids but I working a home show( I sell applinaces...need a fridge?) so the kids will stay with her on saturday. Come to the show about 4:00PM. Leave with me and all have supper at my place where the kids will stay the night.
Do I try to make plans with her like a movie after? I have pay per view so very easy to set up. Or is that pushing, she has said this week that we are divorcing and she has no intension of getting back together.
I just want to try. I do love her.
That is wrong, I have to DB's act as if I do not care. She said she wants me to be her friend. I do not want to be her friend and watch her with others.(she is not). I would like to be her friend and husband.
Do I try to be the best friend and hope her feelings for me return? She has said many times she would love the man back she feel in love with. ( I'm starting to see him)
The years and marriage, stress is a hard funk to see out from. But I think if you truely do want to come out you can.
I have to keep fighting the depression. I feel like I have lost so much.
I am going to enter a race on the 11th. It is a group relay race from the local ski hill to the local lake. 7 member team do the Ski to sea race. only starts with a 1500m climb up the ski hill to ski down about 3000m. tag to a cross country skier to a mountain biker to a road biker to a runner and finally to to two canoers. All in about 6 hours. Should be fun. I best sign off to get my name in and join a team. I want to do the downhill ski.
Sunday with the kids. She says it's me who caused this but how do I fix it.
I am enjoying the time with the kids and getting a life. Picked up my new bike today, Cannondale R900. I hope it is nice enough to ride tomorrow. Today but a mix of sun and cloud about 12-15 C.
So back the R with WAW. I miss her and long to touch her. Is that wrong? She has explained to me that sex is about trust. She lost that trust with me, throught our lack of communication.( and other stuff too)
What she wanting me to do. We are doing a schedual with the kids that makes it almost imposible for eithre of us to meet anyone else.. I bought up summer holidays and how we never made time to go away and how I think we should have. I said I want to take a holiday to be warmest lake and beach in Canada-Osoyoos BC. It about 1 1/2 hour south. I said I would like to come. She said she would like to???
So is this a sign that I am looking for that she is open to a R with me
Or is she just trying to make the best life for our kids?
What I plan to do is continue with the GAL. Ride the bike, do some tri's.....
Do I date????What is the correct anwser. What do you think? Rusty
Tuesday with my s6. getting ready for the bike ride. D4 is off the Vancouver Childrens Hospital, for more consulting. Want doctors do when they do not know what to do. So me and son have guy time. Lunch is ready must go. Rus s
Go slow. Be her friend right now. Are there 180s you are doing to show her that you are working on things? By working on you, then you can show her you are trying. We can only work on us and hope our spouses notice and will be attracted to us again.
So work on you--GAL, detach, act as if you are happy when she is around.
Maybe you can slowly add things in, like asking her to stay and watch a movie. Just remember to take it slow and don't push it or get too excited if she says yes. Let her set the pace. If she says no, then say okay like it doesn't bother you. Don't let her see that it hurts even though it does.
Have a good evening! Will check back later. Sherry
Thanks, Tonight I wehnt back to her to put the kids to bed. I feel so lost when I leave very down, She is just so easy. I asked her once and she said it makes her hurt too. Then I say why do it? There is a solution, we go to conselling together....asking too much.
I have been working on the GAL. Contacted a trainer we both know that is doing Ironman Canada, I offered to train with her and her big group. That did strike Tammy funny...She did not say much, she was suprised??? It is all so confusing. did have a fun day with S6 bike riding. It will be interesting what the weekend holds with this being her weekend. She what to do " Family" activities. I have done suppers, BBQ, group bike rides, trip to the park. What will come up for this weekend.
Tomorrow is another day...lick I have been reading...one must start by loving oneself, then others can love you. I have not been one to love, I must lose this cloud. Only time it lifts is when I am with my kids...
I going to go to bed with my pop and chips. I do have a run in the am, bike after lunch, Supper with the kids I will p/u at the day care. I just want to see some kind of a sign that I should not give up. Goodnight Rusty
Hang in there. Work on you. Focus on you. You are right, you have to love yourself. Make that your goal. Each day, do one thing for Russ. Something that would make you happy and feel good. If you begin to do that, you will begin to be happier.
Try not to think abou WAW. I know it is hard. When I detached Russ, and GAL, I found I did not think about H and ow as much. It was also easier to push thoughts out. I put my focus on me and the kids. It really does help. Try it. Take one day at a time.
When you are with WAW "act as if" you are happy, busy, moving on. I know you aren't feeling that way on the inside, but she doesn't have to know that.
Sherry, I am not a very good actor, I can not be with my WAW and not show the fact I love her. She can see it in my eyes, They never lie. Big blue ones, my downfall every time.
thanks just the same, I will do my best, My D4 is going through some health issues, ripe my heart out not to be there. D4 wils the same way, loves her dad, God I miss my kids, This is the weekend I go from Friday to Tuesday without seeing. I tried to hint to do something but she had a better offer-friends Easter party. Kids will have a great time and will tell me about it.
On a positive note I did go the a hockey game tonight, rockets lose 3-2. Good game, I was in a box seat, free beer.....
Must go to bed, will eat pizza first. 90 km bike ride tomorrow am.
