Way to go!! I can't believe she never made you coffee in the M, you poor thing
Very positive, that, a complete 180 for her.
She liked you eating at her house, she is sending you jokey emails. Whatever the woman says now, she likes you a whole lot.
Believe me, I know. I've seen it in my H 'We're never getting back together but hey, I'll hang around chatting for half an hour and why don't you ever come to my place for coffee?'
I've heard all the lame excuses in the world from him over the past 3 years and whenever I hear of a spouse being 'resolute' but in the sitch you and your W are in, I never believe them.
Remember Gabriel, the only thing you can't reverse is death, and divorce doesn't even matter two hoots. Look at me
You are doing so great to hold it together so well. Hang in there, and no snooping!
JRB, no I won't be bringing up S5's convo with me. I don't want him brought into our R back-n-forth, and his convos with me are precious and 'protected' - he knows I won't pump him for info or that I will be running back to inform on him to W (excluding necessary topics like dangerous sitches of course). W's anger stems from a wide variety of topics that I've discussed before.
Jo,
Your perspective always intrigues me. I do hope you are right about her caretaking behavior, and I do see that she doesn't hate me like she did in Fall 2004.
W just called a few minutes ago asking if I wanted to take S5 to 'Disney on Ice' (Heck no! ). Told her how busy his day would be tomorrow, with TBall and homeless ministry with a friend and his 2 boys (gotta find 100 fresh, not too ripe bananas and apples for him to hand out). So W said she enjoys those type of shows and would be delighted to go with him and his 5yo friend tonight. I wished her a fun night and we agreed to a later pickup so that all 3 of us can sleep in.
More friendly contact! Jo, you are right. The D doesn't truly matter. When does that after-D sex begin?
Quote: JRB, no I won't be bringing up S5's convo with me. I don't want him brought into our R back-n-forth, and his convos with me are precious and 'protected' - he knows I won't pump him for info or that I will be running back to inform on him to W
Gabriel, I absolutely agree that Ks shouldn't be burdened by or pawns in the R back-and-forth, and that conversations need to be protected. It was foolish of me to suggest otherwise.
I have 1 dumb question, what time of year is 'fall'?
Post-D sex well, it happens when the WAS realises that actually they like your company more than they thought - usually after you have been seeing each other as friends, chatting, coffee and such.
I'll tell you how it happens for me and then you'll see what I mean. You already know about how he came back into my life. Well, I was going to Cyprus last Christmas for my holiday and I joked with him prior to this that I was going to find a nice Greek waiter and sleep with him
I told ex-ow this a few weeks earlier, too, as I actually had every intention of sleeping with a Greek waiter
She told H, so he already knew this. However, a couple of weeks prior to me going to Cyprus, H and I became friends so even though I did find a really handsome looking Greek waiter, I didn't sleep with him because of re-kindled friendship with H.
I fully intended NOT to invite H for Christmas and acted really cool. On the train on the way back home, he rang me on my cell phone and asked to come over for Christmas - the next day!!
We had a really lovely day with the kids, unwrapping presents, Christmas music, nice food etc and in the evening the girls wanted to watch this movie called 'The Santa Clause' and I thought we were all going to watch it but H said he didn't want to and could we go in another room?
Well, my house is tiny so realistically the only other room to sit is my bedroom.
We talked for an hour about my holiday with him lying on my bed and me perched on the end of the bed as far away from him as possible.
Eventually I got backache so I sat next to him, still trying to act cool.
He asked me if I shagged the Greek waiter I said not for want of trying (joke). We ended up kissing and some other fairly serious stuff. Was a MAJOR shock considering we 'were just being civil for the sake of the children'.
The next time I saw him there was tons of pent up energy from the kiss so we basically ripped each others clothes off
Then afterwards I said 'H, what is going on?' We had our first R talk AFTER the sex, and that was when he said he wanted to work on our R.
Thanks for the story. I'm off to take a cold shower.... (joking!). It makes sense from hindsight, I imagine, but boy does it seem like chaos while going through it.
W just called AGAIN. This time to talk about S5 and his play with a playmate that he has over tonight. I wonder if she's keeping tabs on me on a Fri night. I had just said no thanks to a buddy who was wanting to introduce me to a few 'fun' (more like wild) women tonight, so that was interesting timing. Had a good talk, and was able to validate W's mother instincts and her desire to rest tonight and sleep more.
Hmmm, first coffee, then chatting. Oh boy!
What's the Floridian female equivalent of a male hot Greek waiter? A Hooter's girl?
Quote: On the way to school, S5 told me that he asked W if she and I would ever remarry, and that W responded with "First, I have to get less angry." He also noted that they talked about him being able to watch this remarriage ceremony.
This is wonderful news! Keep doing what's working, man. You are definitely on the right track.
It's huge that now W sees her own anger is the big stumbling block in the way. Just the fact that she's looking that way (towards reconciliation/remarriage) is a big baby step.
Thanks,
K
My sitch More importantly, Light A Million Candles
What's the equivalent of a hot Greek waiter? Dunno Gabriel because I am Greek, thats why my email address is greekgoddess472 (there were a lot of us Greek goddesses!).
I do know that our race has a reputation for being good lovers (I mean, we invented the word Eros ) and do you remember that film 'My Big Fat Greek Wedding'? Well in the film there's a bit where the girl's mother says 'Greek women may be lambs in the kitchen but we are tigers in the bedroom.'
I figured since that was representative of women (so my H says ) it may also apply to Greek men, hence my desire to try out a Greek waiter!
Since H and I are almost there with reconciling, I never got the chance to see who is better, i.e, Greek or English men
Re your sitch, take what your S5 says with a pinch of salt. Kids sometimes make stuff up because they love you but if he is telling the truth, boy, you have something to get excited about
Dum dum de dum, I hear wedding bells
Jo.
PS: English people and tea. It's true, they do drink tea all the time. I used to hate it when I was a kid and just drank lemon tea but when I was 16 and moved in with H, he drank tea ALL DAY (easily 8 cups a day) and he got me into it so I was obbessed with tea for years.
Have gone off it recently (so has he at the same time, that was weird)and now I just drink it at mom's and toddler group because all us mom's are just sitting around drinking tea and chatting while our kids are playing
The bit about tea was for all you yanks who think that we are all tea obbessed, including Lou, who mentioned it on his thread but I haven't got time atm to answer his post as I've got to work now (unfortunately) so I just wrote everything on here instead
Lou, if you read this, I'll write later on this evening as gotta go now!
Heeey Gabriel. I just saw this. I'm also really sorry that a date has been set. But, like you have written, there are a lot of positives. You two are friendly. Friendship is there. You're an outstanding father, she see's that, etc.
Ahh, seeing your boys first hit must be fun, I really look forward to all of that in the future. Yeah, kids can make us smile by what they say. Maybe she does think about being together again some day with a fresh start!
Your W, mine and others not taking accountability does make it hard. We know they're insecure and we need to be strong for the family. But you have shown that you could handle it in the right way.
So many on the board here have felt so lucky to have you here to help us. Sure, wish you didn't have to be here, but since you did, you're just awesome my friend. Reading all those positives for a post-D sure sounds nice.
Looking forward to some positive updates. Hang in there and just be you.
