Well, last night's taxes meeting with W was a mixture of things. First, there was no love connection. W was very polite, yet distant. I could tell at times that she may have wanted to joke or relax more but was guarded. It was hard not be on my part. We had to mention the D costs (to write off), the purchases of different items related to business/work brought up some discussions related to who gets what. I had handed her the checks for her share of the equity early on, to pay off a c.card she was very focused on, and c.support, and noticed the start of her distancing. When the D came up like this, I saw W's pride and stubborness crop up, as she would literally set her jaw and get flat emotionally.
Yet, W was thoughtful, asking me if I wanted anything to drink and doctoring up decaf coffee (no Jo and Lost, no wine ) just the way I like without any input from me, and bringing it to me. As she had never done so in our M (always 'get it yourself' attitude toward me), I noticed this and thanked her. She was able to joke and laugh, but only slightly.
I was very moved by S5 last night. Without W pressing him hard or yelling at the coaches to play her son, he got his first hit off a live pitch, nearly beaning the coach on the head (the coach's live pitch twice, then the T is used for the 3rd pitch), and getting a home run with 2 runners brought home. He also got to play catcher a bit. I followed him around a bit, prodding him in the outfield "Pick up your hat and put it back on" calmly but firmly, and using signs to get him to watch the ball better. A very different approach to performance I hope he'll profit from over time.
At home, S5 walks on eggshells around the two of us. It just tears me up to see this, so I just reassured him with hugs and kisses. He tried to play host by bringing me a pudding "Please eat it, Dad" and oreos (he actually ate most of them ), and W seemed to like that I ate something there. He feel asleep soon after laying down on the couch to watch us, and when I carried him to bed, he sleepily asked, "Are you leaving, Dad." When I responded, "No, S5, I'm staying to work on some things with your Mom", he smiled and turned back to sleep. W was standing there, so I merely laid my hand on his head to say a quick prayer for our family and S5.
The D will occur. I could see it in her face. She has not one lick of ownership of our M problems yet, and has that same look and stance of self-righteousness that she learned from MIL and FIL. It will take the school of hard knocks to hopefully slobberknock some sense of reality into her. Hopefully those lessons won't be taken as material for more of a why me?/victimhood stance she sometimes described in the past.
I snooped just a bit on the computer (go ahead and whack me ) and saw no evidence of interests in another person or dating. She does seem to be interested in distracting herself with travel. But maybe that would be good for her. We agreed to cancel a book that we were to write together (I left it up to her to make that call), and when she mentioned interest in developing a service business in the future, I excitedly mentioned a related wing that a friend and I are developing and will house in a private practice office that is being built, then dropped it realizing that such an offer was suited for "us" and that doesn't exist anymore. She needs to go it alone, and see how that fits.
The evening ended late, and W complimented my ability to find and include our various tax deductions, noting how much I saved "us". She looked tired and I said so, and she went to lie on the couch and rest while I wrapped up. I heard her start a bath, then stop, and she seemed ready for me to go when I finished, so I did so.
W has gained a little weight and is continuing with little self-comforts. I'm glad to see her caring for herself, but I was also confident that, of the two of us, I'm the one with greater personal change, and this comforted me in terms of being able to pull her toward me eventually.
This am, W emailed me a summary of our c.cards, noting what I was responsible for, and asking me to take her name off a few cards. Her email had a slight joking air about it, which was nice. On the way to school, S5 told me that he asked W if she and I would ever remarry, and that W responded with "First, I have to get less angry." He also noted that they talked about him being able to watch this remarriage ceremony. I didn't pull any of this out of him, but did question, "Are you make-believing or did you talk about this?" to which he said, "We talked about it." Hmmmm. I know it could be just fantasy and is at least mere hearsay, but that put a positive spin on the day's start, so I took him to get a donut and milk before dropping him off at school.
W was very polite, yet distant. I could tell at times that she may have wanted to joke or relax more but was guarded. It was hard not be on my part. We had to mention the D costs (to write off), the purchases of different items related to business/work brought up some discussions related to who gets what. I had handed her the checks for her share of the equity early on, to pay off a c.card she was very focused on, and c.support, and noticed the start of her distancing. When the D came up like this, I saw W's pride and stubborness crop up, as she would literally set her jaw and get flat emotionally.
) just the way I like without any input from me, and bringing it to me. As she had never done so in our M (always 'get it yourself' attitude toward me), I noticed this and thanked her. She was able to joke and laugh, but only slightly. 
), and W seemed to like that I ate something there. He feel asleep soon after laying down on the couch to watch us, and when I carried him to bed, he sleepily asked, "Are you leaving, Dad." When I responded, "No, S5, I'm staying to work on some things with your Mom", he smiled and turned back to sleep. W was standing there, so I merely laid my hand on his head to say a quick prayer for our family and S5.