Quote: I just got a call from the D Mediator. The official D date will be May 2nd.
Gabriel, I'm so sorry to hear this. So many of us are working so hard on our R without success. Yes, DBing is about making us better people, but it would be nice to see some Ms saved as well. Jo, of course, gives good advice, it's only a piece of paper.
Best of luck getting through tonight and the weeks ahead.
I'm sorry, buddy. I know you know this, but you have to act as if everything will be alright and have an aire of confidence. It may a total act based on what you're feeling, but you gotta do it. Remember what you told me about our WAW's watching us and monitoring how we handle adversity.
Quote: I just can't face hearing what she has to say about me and us in front of the judge.
This news is going to make tonight's interaction very challenging. My PMA just blew away like air out of a balloon.
Show her the guy that is able to face his fear and be strong in the face of a challenge. Keep your chin up and your chest out like you're the baddest Mutha on the planet. No Fear!
Promise me you'll do that. I got faith in you. Don't worry, you'll be able to kick me in the ass soon because my D will be finalizing here shortly, too.
Quote: So many of us are working so hard on our R without success. Yes, DBing is about making us better people, but it would be nice to see some Ms saved as well. Jo, of course, gives good advice, it's only a piece of paper.
It may be naive, but I do feel like 'success' is happening. We've been friendlier and slightly more vulnerable together lately than we have been in a long time. I'm willing to face D if this can continue. I want her and the R more than I want the M.
Kevin:
Quote: Show her the guy that is able to face his fear and be strong in the face of a challenge. Keep your chin up and your chest out like you're the baddest Mutha on the planet. No Fear! Promise me you'll do that.
At least this is no surprise to you. Be thankful for that as a lot of others have been hit in the face with D and didn't see it coming.
Don't let it get you down now....you have worked so hard and it is NOT over. Remember...W may need this...she will eventually see what a mistake it is.
Gabe Hugs for you. Just want to say how sorry I am. Took a few days off from this BB saw your post. You have been a help to me and I will return the favor if possible.
Well, last night's taxes meeting with W was a mixture of things. First, there was no love connection. W was very polite, yet distant. I could tell at times that she may have wanted to joke or relax more but was guarded. It was hard not be on my part. We had to mention the D costs (to write off), the purchases of different items related to business/work brought up some discussions related to who gets what. I had handed her the checks for her share of the equity early on, to pay off a c.card she was very focused on, and c.support, and noticed the start of her distancing. When the D came up like this, I saw W's pride and stubborness crop up, as she would literally set her jaw and get flat emotionally.
Yet, W was thoughtful, asking me if I wanted anything to drink and doctoring up decaf coffee (no Jo and Lost, no wine ) just the way I like without any input from me, and bringing it to me. As she had never done so in our M (always 'get it yourself' attitude toward me), I noticed this and thanked her. She was able to joke and laugh, but only slightly.
I was very moved by S5 last night. Without W pressing him hard or yelling at the coaches to play her son, he got his first hit off a live pitch, nearly beaning the coach on the head (the coach's live pitch twice, then the T is used for the 3rd pitch), and getting a home run with 2 runners brought home. He also got to play catcher a bit. I followed him around a bit, prodding him in the outfield "Pick up your hat and put it back on" calmly but firmly, and using signs to get him to watch the ball better. A very different approach to performance I hope he'll profit from over time.
At home, S5 walks on eggshells around the two of us. It just tears me up to see this, so I just reassured him with hugs and kisses. He tried to play host by bringing me a pudding "Please eat it, Dad" and oreos (he actually ate most of them ), and W seemed to like that I ate something there. He feel asleep soon after laying down on the couch to watch us, and when I carried him to bed, he sleepily asked, "Are you leaving, Dad." When I responded, "No, S5, I'm staying to work on some things with your Mom", he smiled and turned back to sleep. W was standing there, so I merely laid my hand on his head to say a quick prayer for our family and S5.
The D will occur. I could see it in her face. She has not one lick of ownership of our M problems yet, and has that same look and stance of self-righteousness that she learned from MIL and FIL. It will take the school of hard knocks to hopefully slobberknock some sense of reality into her. Hopefully those lessons won't be taken as material for more of a why me?/victimhood stance she sometimes described in the past.
I snooped just a bit on the computer (go ahead and whack me ) and saw no evidence of interests in another person or dating. She does seem to be interested in distracting herself with travel. But maybe that would be good for her. We agreed to cancel a book that we were to write together (I left it up to her to make that call), and when she mentioned interest in developing a service business in the future, I excitedly mentioned a related wing that a friend and I are developing and will house in a private practice office that is being built, then dropped it realizing that such an offer was suited for "us" and that doesn't exist anymore. She needs to go it alone, and see how that fits.
The evening ended late, and W complimented my ability to find and include our various tax deductions, noting how much I saved "us". She looked tired and I said so, and she went to lie on the couch and rest while I wrapped up. I heard her start a bath, then stop, and she seemed ready for me to go when I finished, so I did so.
W has gained a little weight and is continuing with little self-comforts. I'm glad to see her caring for herself, but I was also confident that, of the two of us, I'm the one with greater personal change, and this comforted me in terms of being able to pull her toward me eventually.
This am, W emailed me a summary of our c.cards, noting what I was responsible for, and asking me to take her name off a few cards. Her email had a slight joking air about it, which was nice. On the way to school, S5 told me that he asked W if she and I would ever remarry, and that W responded with "First, I have to get less angry." He also noted that they talked about him being able to watch this remarriage ceremony. I didn't pull any of this out of him, but did question, "Are you make-believing or did you talk about this?" to which he said, "We talked about it." Hmmmm. I know it could be just fantasy and is at least mere hearsay, but that put a positive spin on the day's start, so I took him to get a donut and milk before dropping him off at school.
Gabriel- Seemed like a pretty decent get together with W
W was being distant probably because she is still not sure what she wants or that she is doing the right thing. It just seems right for HER at this point in time.
Big positive on the coffee seeing as how she never did that before. If there was nothing left b/t you 2 she would not have anything to do with you or want to make you comfortable or anything of the sort. Keep that in mind!
No whacks for snooping this time Just don't do it again! lol
Be proud of who you are and what you have become. We all know this is hard and it takes so much to make improvements within ourselves so when we can make the changes and stick to them it does so much for our whole being
Congratulations on making it through a difficult night. Polite is easier than angry, but distant and proud is hard to take. I can see you have reconciled yourself to the D happening. I guess that, given where you are, that is a positive thing.
Your W's anger comment is interesting. I haven't gone back and reread your four threads, but is her anger something your have talked about recently? I am trying to have discussion about forgiveness with my W, brokered by my pastor, because (1) forgiveness would ease my feelings of guilt, (2) harbored anger cannot be healthy for W, and (3) whatever relationship we have in the future, we will always both be the parents of our Ks, and it makes sense to resolve the sources of anger. Would it make any sense to talk with your W about S5's conversation, and approach the anger topic that way?
W was very polite, yet distant. I could tell at times that she may have wanted to joke or relax more but was guarded. It was hard not be on my part. We had to mention the D costs (to write off), the purchases of different items related to business/work brought up some discussions related to who gets what. I had handed her the checks for her share of the equity early on, to pay off a c.card she was very focused on, and c.support, and noticed the start of her distancing. When the D came up like this, I saw W's pride and stubborness crop up, as she would literally set her jaw and get flat emotionally.
) just the way I like without any input from me, and bringing it to me. As she had never done so in our M (always 'get it yourself' attitude toward me), I noticed this and thanked her. She was able to joke and laugh, but only slightly.