Well, I'm not sure how strong I am, but I'll keep put-putting along: "I think I can, I think I can..."
It's been a crazy week and a half at work, leaving me with little sleep, so my PMA has dipped a bit, at least in terms of foggyheadedness. Folks seem to be seeking me out for support/leaning and I feel the need to create some time/space just for me.
I had S5 this afternoon. We did various chores, got our hair cut, and had supper together before I gave him a bath. W was nicely dressed up at dropoff. It made me wonder if she had the D court date today, but maybe it was counseling. Need to not go there - Stop, Crazymaker! I got W and S5 some waters and snacks for the plane ride (they're flying separately, and she had asked). W noted that she didn't like S5's hair cut, but oh well, I have better taste in men's hair and it looks great on him.
W told me that she's traveling to Hawaii in June, and noted that she's staying there for 10 days. I kept my emotions in check, and she shared with me that she's traveling with students that work with her to present her work. To me, it sounds like a mixture of safe (she's their professor and has to hold some respectability around them) and unsafe (they're single, immature young women, and she'll be hanging out with them, I'm sure). It has a MLC flavor to it, as I know her professional travel budget will cover only a portion, and that much of the cost will be coming from her (actually, the large equity check I would have paid her by then).
She again asked if I'd like to watch S5 during these 10 days: "Otherwise, I can just leave him with my parents." She just won't get it, or admit things (their abuse of her) at a conscious level, will she?
My plan: to keep the self-improvement up full-force, to have a blast with S5, maybe to go on a trip of our own, so that W returns to an empty house and time to herself. In the longterm, I'll keep at it, paying off my debt, and preparing to fix up my house and settle in.
I plan to go gray, not letting her have so much access to me, to create some mystery and to give her the sense that I have dropped the rope and am ready to move on. No matter how MLC wacky or like her MIL she may become, I will keep on keepin' on, improving myself so that S5 has an amazing father to look up to and depend on.
Well, I'm off to Nashville! I'll likely post next this weekend.
I got W and S5 some waters and snacks for the plane ride (they're flying separately, and she had asked). W noted that she didn't like S5's hair cut, but oh well, I have better taste in men's hair and it looks great on him. 