Thank you all for your posts. Very good food for thought and great advice.
Quote: But you and W came to a compromise without arguing Things are getting better....a little at a time
I appreciate your encouragement, Lost. I needed that.
Quote: I'm so impressed w/ the degree of calm you maintain in dealing w/ your W when she is being difficult or angry.
Thanks, Bulldogr! It still feels like swimming upstream in the thick of it, but I'm slowly learning to do what has been successful for us in the past or in others sitches.
Quote: Have you changed a lot since the divorce was filed or were you always this level headed? If these are changes in you, there is no way your efforts are going unnoticed. She won’t be able to resist your stability and new body much longer.
Sam,
I was very stable, patient, and in great shape when we met, then became frustrated and shortfused, and gained 30 lbs by about 3 yrs into our M. I think you're right, that she is intrigued but cautious, wondering if these changes are real or not. Time will prove that I've made a permanent life change.
Quote: I think I ASSumed my H knew I was proud of his accomplishments - but I didn't realize how much he needed me to say it OUT LOUD. Because I didn't realize that I needed to drown out that negative internal critic of his. So try some words of affirmation on your W whenever you can sneak them in. And - you better be the one to go to the sporting events from here on in
Ellie, I hear you here and thanks for this advice. With this view, it will be soo much easier to not get frustrated with her. I had a weird feeling last night, sorrow for her AND for S5. It really helped both to point out how much she does love our son - he brightened and she softened further and teared up.
Quote: I figure I have not a whole lot left to lose and my wife won't have so much of the "this is a ploy to get me back" feeling. And as Sam said, it gives them a chance to see the changes survive D.
Hope, I would rather prove this within M, but have shifted my focus to improving our R. I like the idea of D freeing up expectations or tension.
Quote: Words of affirmation can go a long way.
Largo, I hear you and KML, and will be reviewing my efforts to do so. Her inner voice to herself is very harsh, so my outside view might help her challenge that and heal.
Quote: He lived and breathed the motto that people don't change throughout his life. For him to see my changes, believe they are real and be proud of my accomplishments, DBing has created a miracle in my life.
Sam, this is my W to the 'T.' If she can change her view in this way, it will indeed be a miracle. Thanks for yet another success story!
