W's past reared it's ugly head tonight. W called in a fury, telling me how 'no one respected' our son, how he was lazy, and wondered whether he was MR, had no motivation, etc... very loudly. He's friggin 5 yrs old and she acts like hes a 40yo man sitting on the couch drinking beer all day.
He had a TBall game tonight, the 2nd of 3 I can't attend due to my teaching at the same time. W described how he 'sat on the bench' half the time and was the 'only child to do so.' She was also mad that he sat down in the outfield again, and had a hard time following the coaches instructions. Her description matched how she described her MIL in her stories to me.
In reality, she mimicked how her mother acted with her coaches as a child, complaining loudly at Isaiah as to why he was sitting out (instead of calmly talking to the coach after the game). MIL had ripped W as a child for not trying hard enough and not winning enough public acclaim for her. She just couldnt' stop herself tonight, carrying on loudly until I could hear S5 whimpering in the background.
I asked W if I could come over, noting I could hear S5 crying hard (was going over anyway, but prefaced it to give her this ability to provide permission), and she said yes. When I got there, W had softened her reaction, and I picked up S5 and hugged him and sat him on my lap. W admitted that S5 had gotten a single, and had scored. I told S5 that his mother loved him so much that she almost jumped in the pool during his swimming lessons clothes and all to save him at one point. She and S5 smiled and lauged at this. She does passinately love our son, and I was glad to be able to point this out. I talked with her and we decided that it might be a bit much for her and him to be running from swim lessons to TBall in one evening.
She got close to admitting that this was hitting a little close to home for her history, but couldn't quite go there. I did my best to validate her frustration, and yet to defend S5 from any more ripping. I didn't follow her into tunnels of arguing about her "you always" or "you never" claims against me, merley reassuring her about my desire to help S5 learn.
At one point, W began to cry about all she has to do, and I felt very sorry for her. Things could be so much easier if only... yet she needs to go through this to learn about life, and to change.
A big change occured that I forgot to mention earlier. W introduced my taking care of S5 while she is away on a trip to Hawaii (instead of MIL) in our earlier discussion of summer camps for him. This is very big, as it had triggered that great reaction on Thurs 3/24 when I signed the papers. She may have come to the conclusion that it was healthier for him to stay with me than with MIL. Thank God! She is healing, if so.
It was a rough evening for all 3 of us, but I think we survived. And I was able to do okay despite 4 hrs of sleep!
