Very positive, your W obviously likes you and likes your company.
Don't read anything in to the 'love heart' thing, I am left handed and can draw with my right hand.
I used to make assumptions with my H and he got annoyed and said 'The thing that stops me with this R is you don't trust me' so I stopped making assumptions.
If there was someone else I'm sure she would tell you, or S5 would as kids notice everything.
Should I be worried about the drawing on my W's hand? I wondered if she meant for me to see it... or if it is the first sign of her starting to wander elsewhere.
S5 said s/t last night that stung - that he wanted me to marry another woman and W another man. Ouch! I told him I couldn't b/c I still loved W.
No, I wouldn't worry about the heart thing. To be honest, I don't know why a grown woman would write on her hands anyway (or allow anyone else to do it), but that's just me.
Quote: that he wanted me to marry another woman and W another man.
I don't think I'd worry too much about this, either. Your son probably just sees that neither of you are happy right now, and of course he loves you both and he wants you both to be happy, and he probably sees this as a way for both of you to be happy again. It does make me wonder, though, if your W has had some sort of discussion with him. Of course, I'm sure he has friends whose parents are D'd and have Re-M'd.
Don't worry about it. The human mind is good at imagining all sorts of stuff that is sometimes worse than the reality.
If she DID mean you to see it, how do you know that wasn't to test the water and see if you still fancy her? (i.e, ellicit a response out of you).
Until she actually tells you, 'I have OM' I wouldn't let your imagination run riot, it will only serve to torture you and not help you.
You stated she said 'what time is it?' when you tried to leave. She was stalling because she enjoys your company. Try to focus on the positives instead of negatives you don't even know exist.
Your son told you to have OW because he loves you and wants to see you happy and thinks you will be with another partner. My dd1 told me to marry somebody for the same reason, they say it because they care. Don't take it too seriously. It's very early days yet for you and I think you are killing yourself with expectations and fears.
Just try to go with the flow and enjoy more times like this with W and S5. You are showing her how you can be supportive and she has responded positively to this.
It did surprise me that W had a drawing on her hand - it struck me as childlike or adolescent as well. Yet, W has had that flavor in the past. When I knew her as a friend, she once went thru a period in time when she would run around and kiss strange men smack on the lips then run away. Later, when we started to date and had our 'history' review of past Rs, W denied s.promiscuity and said she just needed some physical connection, that she was distressed and was starving for affection at the time. My other thought was that maybe this was triggered by some sort of therapy/self-love work? To be honest, her expressiveness and ability to be less mature at times was actually attractive a bit, as I don't tend to be drawn toward stuffy types.
I was very close to asking if she wanted me to stay and talk last night, but didn't - working on distancing still. Seems like just after her period is the best timing for these opportunities. Maybe she is in the mood, or is just reconsidering us? It feels early to me, but is unclear.
Ioavva, I wondered about her trying to get a response out of me. She seems to deflate any chance at mystery by telling me if it is a female friend calling etc..., and has never been a liar. But who knows.
I appreciate the idea that S5 just wants us to be happy. That would be just like him. He also is very focused on having a little brother for some reason. Maybe he figures if W won't have one, another woman might! (not on my horizon of possibilities)
Quote: A very nice time with all of us laughing and both of them enjoying sharing this experience with me.
I fought of the urge of kissing S5 goodnight and carrying W off to the bedroom or livingroom - felt a great amount of love and attraction to her after this scene, yet I must respect her need to grow and learn about herself. She seems to be acknowledging this a bit. How I love her!
Dear God, please help my family through this tough time. Keep W and S5 safe, and guide me in my actions. Amen.
I, too, have had feelings like this. However, as I mentioned either in my post or yours, that I am troubled b/c I don't see my W the way I used to. She's not the most beautiful woman in the world to me anymore. I don't know if I see some ugliness b/c of the sitch or what. We have been separated for over 10 months now. It is hard to believe. I also don't feel like I know her anymore and definitely not connected to her besides the K's.
I was looking at her as we talked last night and all I could think is "You're not as hot as you think you are.", "If you think you can do better than me, you're welcome to try." My W, while very attractive, is not 25 anymore. I am so frustrated and confused for feeling this way about her now. I wonder to myself, if she made advances, would I be receptive. I'm worried that too much damage has been done to get the feelings back. I don't like feeling this way b/c not too long ago I wasn't even questioning my attraction to her. I'm worried that love is not going to be my "choice" and that I'm going to cheat my K's somehow.
I'm glad that you are able to be so clear in your fellings for your W. I'm questioning mine at the moment. But, maybe this is just a natural progression that will help me detach and let go further. I know I will always love my W. I just don't know to what level anymore.
I have been asking God for guidance as well. I want to restore my M and honor the vows I made before Him. But, I am left wondering if trying to reconcile w/ W is the ultimate cheesless tunnel and if God's answer for me is different than what I'm thinking it is.
I definitely think your W is interested. By telling you who she's calling etc she is reassuring you, 'don't worry you are still important to me'.
During the 6 months I was 'grey' with H, he told me he wouldn't be able to have dd4 one time because he was going away for a weekend to London, then he quickly added, 'just me and the kids' as if he was reassuring me it wasn't a 'dirty weekend'.
I remember thinking it was odd and I commented to my friend about it and said I thought he'd be back on my doorstep soon, and he was a couple of months later.
Don't want to raise your hopes too much, but that's what happened in my case, so I think you have a good chance of cultivating a friendship with your W.
I must go to bed in a minute as I feel a bit yucky again.
Thanks for posting to my thread. Kevin, I imagine that most of us struggle with ambivalence at times. Its probably the dark side of detaching. I spent some time 2 mo ago wrestling with the question of whether I loved her anymore, and went back to our early times together when we went from good friends to best friends to lovers. I was able to recall what I loved about her then, and to see how some things that annoyed me in recent years were the very characteristics that drew me to her. Helped me to reconsider my stance, and realize that unless I cared for myself better, I'd have no chance with her or anyone.
Now that I'm happier about myself and my personal direction, my growing resentments were removed, and I can see her more clearly and confidently. Yep, I've noticed that too, that W is getting older. Yet, I find that sexy - her beautiful chestnut curls are showing some gray, her very fit body has some slight sags, yet she still excites me. I can still smell her and imagine her feel.
Yes, there are many great-looking young women prancing around. But to face another 10-12 years of maturing by a young partner is not my cup of tea, and as of now anyway, I'll deal with celibacy while I continue to work on myself and my R with S5 and wait on W's changes.
Ioavva, I thank you for that reassurance and I'll take it, keeping my expectations low and focusing on a friendship with her.
Gabriel- Being happy with yourself makes a lot of difference You have come a long way and you should definately be happy with yourself!
Keep that attitude up and W will want to become a happier person as well. Trust me....I see it in my H a LOT now. I am sure it takes different time lengths for everyone but it happens. I rarely see H down or in a bad mood anymore. As long as I remain positive and upbeat, he tends to follow.
Yes everyone has their days...but they become less and less over time. H used to always say I find the negative in everything.....haven't heard that one in a long time now
You are gonna make it through this! What are your plans for the weekend?
(not on my horizon of possibilities)
You have come a long way and you should definately be happy with yourself!