Interesting day. Am nearing exhaustion, yet there will be quick pace at work for another 8 days or so. I'm getting better at delegating work and giving needed criticisms to get my supervisees work to a higher level.
Had a nice lunch with a Buddy. Talked more about business stuff than about D, which is a new shift.
W and I have been stressed. S5 is out of school, so we've been watching him longer, which is a joy, yet it means less sleep as the work must be done as well. Today, W forgot S5's TBall uniform, and so we waited for W to have time to go home to get it with us. W was stressed, S5 was acting out, and I felt grumpy, as we were going to have little time for dinner after this delay. W was down about not having washed S5's uniform yet (likely lots of negative self-judgments going on). S5's baseball pants did look like he'd rolled around in the mud, but neither S5 nor I cared. W asked me to buy him a new pair of pants and I said Id try.
My former behavior would have been to stay stuck in grumpiness. This evening I said to myself, 'F#ck it! We're going to eat s/t decent and if we're late we're late.' As we headed down the road, I noticed a rain cloud coming toward us. On a whim, while on the road, I called W who was still home, and said, "Hey W, just called to tell you that I know how busy you are right now and I appreciate you going home to get his uniform. I'm taking S5 to eat, and he'll wear his pants that he has, and we'll look for new ones later." W seemed to exhale and softened a bit on the phone, especially when I noted that it would likely rain (it did).
S5 and I went to a burrito place where the staff shouts out "Welcome to XXX!" whenever a new customer comes in. S5 took to shouting out spontaneously (he has a true stage voice - very loud), "Welcome to XXX!" - triggering the same by the staff. He was fascinated by this, saying that they were copying him. I watched their confusion as this happened 4-5 times before the "Boy who cried wolf" effect took hold. It was a nice fun ending of a previously stressful outing.
At dropoff, W had hunted up a few extra documents that I needed for my mortgage. It was a bit strained in atmosphere, then she listened to our stories about the rainout and the burrito shop and laughed a bit, as S5 and I laughed in the telling. W talked w/me in S5's bedroom, and when I said it was getting late, she said "What time is it?" as if I didn't need to leave quite yet.
I noticed a heart drawn in ink on the back of her right hand, and felt my heart sink a bit. She is right-handed, so it would have been difficult to draw on herself. Looked like a girl-drawn heart. Rather than let my crazymaker loose, I figured that she may have done so to herself (tested it on my own hand and found it possible ). However, right as I noticed this, W's phone rang, and she picked up right away and noted to someone that she'd call them back. W came back and said it was a former grad student who is a good friend now, calling about job advice. We talked about work and W told me more about her condo, noting that she didn't really like the area, and described it as a shortterm fix. We talked about debt payoffs and we both used "we" and "us" and "our" several times.
As I was about to leave again, S5 asked me to read a hilarious book titled, "Everyone poops." Probably a toilet-training book - that a little boy and lots of different animals and creatures doing their thing, but great bathroom humor for a 5yo. It was great to see that W had chosen that for him, a nice change from past patterns. W read it and started to show me the pics, so I sat down next to the bed as she and S5 laid in it reading. A very nice time with all of us laughing and both of them enjoying sharing this experience with me.
I fought of the urge of kissing S5 goodnight and carrying W off to the bedroom or livingroom - felt a great amount of love and attraction to her after this scene, yet I must respect her need to grow and learn about herself. She seems to be acknowledging this a bit. How I love her!
Dear God, please help my family through this tough time. Keep W and S5 safe, and guide me in my actions. Amen.
Rain has let up, so I'll be going for a latenight run tonight.
I watched their confusion as this happened 4-5 times before the "Boy who cried wolf" effect took hold. It was a nice fun ending of a previously stressful outing.