I agree you shouldn't say ILY or send her flowers, while she's filing for D, ILY would be a death sentance.
You have to make her want you and miss you, and she's not going to do that while she thinks she could have you whenever she wants (people don't respect that).
If I had said ILY etc to my H back at your stage, he'd have run for the hills, not to mention use it against me in court. It would show her that you can't get over her and are pining after her and people don't find that sexually attractive.
Just carry on trying to forge a friendship - the phone conversation was a good start, and never be tempted to rush things.
The reason I have taken so long to improve things with my H is because I was always trying to run before I could walk.
When she says ILY you will know it isn't guilt or because you said it first, it will be because she actually does love you.
