GEL, I’m not one of the other ladies, but I’m with you on this.
When we were in college, W had a roommate who was absolutely drop-dead gorgeous. Guys drooled when she walked by. Profs drooled when she walked by. One of the tenor sax players in the stage band had a running bet with the director (head of the music department) about whether he could get this girl to go out with him. We’re talking killer good looks here.
This girl had a collection of diamond jewelry that you would have to see to believe. She had a closet full of designer clothes. Everything from would be suitors. She sprayed VERY expensive perfume around the room for air freshener and told STBW, “The sh!thead loves me.” She had gifts, she had dinners, she had guys falling at her feet to give her anything she wanted or do anything she liked. And guess whom she liked…, me. She tried her best to get me.
“Why” you ask? She wasn’t drawn to me for my looks – I was pretty skinny and gawky back then. It wasn’t because I showered her with compliments – I didn’t. It wasn’t money or anything else I could give her – there were plenty of guys with a lot more money than I had who were more than willing to spend it on her. It was because I wasn’t interested in hitting on her. It was because I was interested in STBW and treated the roommate as a person rather than a sex object and potential conquest. This isn’t speculation on my part; she said this to W. She said that I was the only guy there who treated her like a person.
This is a long-winded way of saying that catering to her every whim in the hopes of getting laid ain’t gonna do it. She needs to be engaged as a person. And it’s up to you to figure out how to do that.
