What are some things that would wake her up to what you are saying?
It sounds as if she has just become too comfy with her life. What would get her attention?
The obvious answer is "divorce", but surely there are other ways to underscore what you are trying to tell her without taking such a drastic step. Sometimes people need to see ACTION and not words. I know my husband hears me say words all the time, but when I back it up with an action, suddenly it's very clear to him. Crazy.
Good luck and my only other advice is to say your piece EARLY and OFTEN. Every time you feel resentment creeping up on you wrt your sex life, bring it up and say it to her. Yeah it'll ruin the moment and you'll feel like a heel, but true progress will only happen when the two of you are able to haul yourselves out of your ruts. It sounds like she's really entrenched in hers, so you may need to give her an extra 'boost'.
