This really caught my attention "she does not feel close to me because of the way I talk to her and the kids".
Ok...I'm very happy to hear that you are working on things and realize how you may come off at home to others, that's truly great! Something you may want to realize though is this (if you haven't already figured this out)...if you behaved in a manner at home (in the way you talked to her and the kids) for a long time...she's not going to trust easily that the change you are trying to make in yourself is permanent.
You may have altered the way you speak to her and the kids...but she could be waiting for the other shoe to drop and for you to revert back to that behavior, that happens all the time.
My guess however is that this is not the only issue she has. There are most likely other contributing factors as well. Can you give us an example of a typical day in your house?
Something you may want to realize though is this (if you haven't already figured this out)...if you behaved in a manner at home (in the way you talked to her and the kids) for a long time...she's not going to trust easily that the change you are trying to make in yourself is permanent.