Don't know what to do anymore

[nightrunner]

I have been married for 11 and a half years. We have two kids. Our marriage has been rocky for a long time. The problems have been that she does not want to have sex more than a few times a month, and of course, I always want it. I have been given many reasons why she does not want to have sex. They include; She is not happy with her appearance, she does not feel close to me because of the way I talk to her and the kids, I do not do enough with the kids, I don't like pets like she does, it goes on and on. During the past New Years holiday, we were having a bad time. I was ready to begin the long road of divorce and then something happened. I was at church visiting our church library and found a book called 'The Hidden Value of a Man'. It was about the power a man had in his home, that he may not be aware of. The power of what a man says to his wife and kids and the weight it carries. How men are used to dealings at work where they are required to be hard as$es, and how that stuff just does not work at home. For some reason this book spoke to me. I had a long talk with my wife and told her I was sorry for how I had been in the past. Let me state that I have never, ever been abusive in any way. I told her how I had worked on myself in the past, but had been working on the wrong things. She was glad to hear this and proceeded to tell me everything that had bothered her in the past about me. This was not easy to swallow, although I did, and let her continue until she was done. I told her that I could do this, but needed her to work on the sex issue and how she rejects me most of the time. She asked me that didn't I think she would be more receptive to my advances if she was feeling closer to me. I was optomistic. So for the past three months, I have been the model husband and father; very attentive and not asking for anything. The sex, however, never got any more frequent. When I brought up the issue, it started an arguement. I found the book(SSM) and read it and enjoyed it. I talked with her and told her about the book and that it really would tell her how I was feeling inside, since I could not put it into words without us getting into an arguement. My wife is usually never without a book at night, but that book sat for over a week. Stupid me, I had to bring it up and back to bickering back and forth. I really feel that she has no interest in knowing how I feel, or an interest in ever having more sex, because she has stated that just because she reads a book is not going to make her want to spread her legs for me. I read the posings here and see that many other people are having the same problems, and it makes me sick to my stomach. Why does it have to be this way. Why can't the people we love work on this aspect of the relationship without making us feel as if something is wrong with us. I feel trapped and like I will never get close to my wife and have the intimate relationship I crave. We have two kids. I do not want a divorce, for their sake, but I also do not want them to hear the argueing and bickering. I do not think I can go another year acting like everything is ok.