I am in a similar situation that has improved dramatically over the past month or so. All of the posts you have gotten have been 100 percent accurate. My H told me the same thing only we have been married 6 yrs and together 9. Have D1. Just keep on doing 180's. At times it seems that nothing is working but just give it time. The big realization for me was that I had lost myself over the years to a stressful job and being a new mother. I have quit my job and started a new less stressful one. I have made changes in me for me. In return my H is now seeing the girl he once fell in love with. My H and I are no where near out of the woods but a few months ago we were not even talking or could stand to be in the same room with each other. It was out of the blue for me.
So what I can suggest is to read and reread every book you can find on the subject, especially DR. Also keep reading and posting on this site. It really does work. I am amazed at the turn around in my R just in the past 10 days! Show your W that you are still that same strong person that you always have been. Do things on your own. Make her wonder what you are doing. Be loving but from a distance. She may just realize what a great catch you are and if she is not careful somebody else might just swoop in and take you. Make her realize what she has got to lose.
I am no where experienced in this. I have only been dealing with this for the past 2 months-although my H says it has been going on nearly 3 years! All I can tell you is what has worked or been working for me.
Just believe that anything is possible, don't believe what W says, try to keep your chin up, look for baby steps, be patient, let her come to you and believe!!!
