Wendy, I can't find a place called Bouscayrens in the road book - did you say it was near Pau?
I continue to have internet connection problems which combined with public position of computer makes getting here tricky.
Any way things are still tickety boo in the love department and H tells me regularly he loves me more than ever and is happier than ever. Aaah!
There are, despite this a myriad of little triggers which can send my mood plummeting and the anger factor rising but I think I am much better about investigating my feelings and dealing with them. The bottom line of fear is that H and I have no history of dealing with conflict together and he seems to see any discussion about our relationship or what went wrong with it as me venting and his penance to endure it. He says very little and I talk too much which leaves me feeling empty. When I feel low he backs away and I would love that text book educated person who listens, validates and empathises with me. He hasn’t read any books so is it for me to say specifically this is how I would like him to behave? I see it also in his interactions with DDs particularly DD 10 who gets very wound up by him which he reacts to with self defense (again I am scared to say what I think would be a better way to approach it and my confusion about whether or not to say anything gets my goat).
The sun is shining and I have gardening to do. One roof is finished and we are starting the pigeonier roof when H gets back from UK next week. H has got another sculpture commission which is great, not only financially but for his self esteem. I need to find something to do for myself but beyond the mother/homemaker/homebuilder don’t know what. I still don’t have a life outside my marriage and can’t really see how to remedy the situation here in the middle of nowhere.
