logged on with the intention of writing a proper update in the hope of getting back into the habit but alas have spent so long reading other peoples threads that I can't remember what I was going to say.
if anyone can tell me how to send a private message to Wendylon I would be v. grateful.
H has gone to UK on lightning 48 hour tour to see about a job. I was nervous about him going - though in reality there was v little risk of him bumping into OW. He has a broach of hers which she requested he not send in the post. I wanted to ask him if he was taking it with him. I can think about OW fairly calmly but thinking about asking him if he is taking her broach back (even to leave at his mothers or her sisters for colection) fills me with fear. I wish he would have told me that he was taking it. There is the possibility that he has forgotten about it and it is still here. So I don't like him having it because I think whilst he does OW has reason to think that they will meet. I am scared to ask him and it is the fear of asking which upsets me because I feel I am in a relationship which has this huge wall of silence which is only broken by me and invariably invokes misery.
I think he sees me bringing up R or A as a way of venting my spleen and a deliberate attempt to have a go at him. If I don't bring them up, he won't and we will be back with the relationship of yore.
We had a very indecisive friend here last week who drove H mad with his inability to make his mind up (even to the question beer or wine) but it made me laugh as H constantly asks me what he should do and defers childrens questions to me. I am trying not to be frustrated by it and am prone to being non-comittal in an attempt to back off from bossy or controlling. would love any suggestions on how to surrender compltely without looking like I don't care. I want to rid the relationship completely of the parental element which has always existed.
The good part of our R is good. we are v. good friends with shared senses of humour. I am frequently tickled by him saying that I surprise him or amaze him so definately doing some things right.
Paying guests all gone which makes me feel a bit gloomy about the quiet winter ahead with sporadic social life. But am off to London alone next week - am keen to get away but reluctant to leave H for 10 days.
