Take a deep breath. Review the years of your marriage together, the years before the A, the bomb and the betrayal. View them with a clear lens. View them with your head more than your heart. And ask yourself some questions -
Did you have a good marriage? Did you ever have grave doubts about your M or your H? Did you really feel loved? Did you feel supported? Did you feel there was genuine communication going on? Do you think if YOU had had a nasty accident, with your eye, or your limbs, your H would have been there for you?
I am not talking about a fairy tale marriage, but a solid, real, comfortable one. Did you have that?
If so, I would recommend that you do whatever it takes to restore that marriage, go by the DBing principles and stick it out, you will eventually end up with a more solid and more meaningful marriage than ever before.
If you can honestly not say your marrigae was that great, if your H did not make you feel safe and secure, I would look into why that was so.
I took a long hard look at my marriage pre-bomb, had a good long hard look at the H I have known for 19 years, and I came to the conclusion that in fact H was not SOOOOOO different from before. Of course he has been going through a MLC crisis, but it has merely magnified his traits, not brought them on out of the blue. I even found out that there is a name for the kind of behaviour he displays and has always displayed. It has helped me to let go of the idea of saving my marriage. Because our marriage would always be built on a sandy foundation. Like a sandcastle, great fun on a sunny day with the tide out, no good at all in the rain and with the tide rushing in!
Only you can say whether your marriage to H is worth saving. But if it is, then trust that things WILL work out. And look to the long term. Look at the bigger picture.
