Dear Midip:

I am thrilled to read of the positive strides in your relationship with H.. I'm so happy for you!!

I see in you a person who is not afraid to think through difficult things and to confront realities about herself. Your comment about "choosing inner conflict instead of inner peace" (or something like that) really struck me. If you can acknowledge that there is that conflict within you, you are well on your way towards choosing the actions that are best for you and your R.. Betsey (Underdog) posted something to me recently about building an arsenal. I had been thinking through some things are trying on different solutions for size and she mentioned that it might be an idea to just put that in the arsenal and, like a good soldier, recognize when (and if) that particular weapon was going to be useful for the war. You are working through questions that are important to you. Will the answers always be necessary to you? Is it necessary to have the answers right now? Put them in your DB Warfare file and decide when, where, or if they are going to be effective in winning you the battle for a whole and growing relationship.

I'm rambling, Midip. I guess I've missed talking to you! I've been getting advice lately that there has to come a point in my own relationship with my H. that I am allowed to use my voice again or identify my needs and have them met. You've buried your own needs for a long while in order to meet your H's needs. Your questions reveal needs that you have. There does need to come a point that your H. addresses these needs. Is the overriding theme your trust of him? Are there other ways he could demonstrate that he is once again trustworthy to you?

Summary of rambling: I think you are doing great. I think your needs/questions are valid. Be careful with your timing/strategy for attempting to have that need met.

Courage and hugs to you.

~Alanah

"It seems to me that we often, almost sulkily, reject the good that God offers us because, at the moment, we expected some other good." C.S. Lewis