Thank you Slowly, Sage, Pamila, Wendy and Jennifer for the warm welcome and good advice. H left this morning so finally got to the computer which is very publicly placed so have not had an opportunity to post in private, in spite of a couple of times feeling that I needed a ‘bb fix’ more than anything else to get me through. Lukily I had read Sages and Pamilas advice before H arrived so had that to focus on in times of need and for which I was very grateful.
Generally we had a lovely week which was more a meeting of bodies than minds! I was model student at delivering LL of PT and WOA. Sexy night attire, including pink satin pyjamas that SIL sent me for christmas was a big hit. H had cited (hilariously, I thought) my nightwear as a reason for S! I think I will have to go for 'naughty night nurse' rather than Flo No in future.
One evening I was consumed with my old pre-split resentment by his lack of input into the domestic situation – if he is doing something he wants to it either doesn’t occur to him that we have 4 children who need feeding and getting to bed or assumes that I will do it. Obviously he was only here for a week after a seven month absence so could hardly expect him to take over but this is still an issue which needs resolving and those daily relentless chores of shopping, laundry, cooking etc get me down when I feel that I am expected to do them. H’s return to vegetarianism after 4 years of eating chicken, duck and fish is also going to rankle. I find most vegetarian food time consuming and uses a lot of ingredients (nothing easier than shoving a chicken in the oven to roast or quicker than spaghetti bolognaise) plus 4 children who don’t really like pulses or many vegetables leaves the list of food very short and putting a meal on the table where there is always someone who will complain is very demoralising. I could accept the job with good grace and be grateful for the things H does which I am neither capable of nor want to do which is probably the solution – that old 180 trick again.
I managed to not spill any of that bad feeling.
One morning I had half an hour wait in the car with D5. I always keep reading books in the glove box for such occassions and there found H’s diary which I am sorry to say I couldn’t resist looking in and which confirmed that his skiing holiday was a whole week. This is still making my blood boil and so was very shaky when I came home (not to mention being angry with myself for looking for trouble). A couple of hours later, still in this troubled frame of mind I walked into the house and H instantly closed an e-mail he was reading. I made a slightly sarcastic apology about interrupting something and went upstairs to the loo. When I came down H was still staring at computer but said I have just had a really horrible e-mail from OW. I asked if that was the first contact he had had with her since he texted her to finish it. He said she had bombarded him with texts, so had her sister. He had been to see her a couple of weeks ago to explain things to her. She has been to his mothers crying . H thinks the whole thing is simple. his naivety amazes me and I feel sorry (am I mad?) for OW who was the primary partner not mistress as far as they were both concerned and was dumped with no warning. I said that her writing such a horrible e-mail was because she was hurt – not sure if I was defending her or myself or just making a statement. I also was rather defensive about my anger towards him before S but we were mercifully interrupted by children. He said he knew we had to talk about things.
I felt much better after that as H was honest about e-mail and OW and is aware that things have to be discussed at some juncture.
We had friends to lunch on Sunday, both of who had sent H e-mails soon after his departure urging him to reconsider. H was nervous about them coming but they were delighted to see him and I think he is relieved to realise that friends are not going to ask for explanations or give him a hard time.
This morning H asked if I had seen his diary as he couldn't find it and it had his ferry booking details in it. I told him where it was with a fair stab of guilt.
He left very reluctantly and sadly but is back on 26th april.
