Background Me: 45 H : 41 R 17 years M 4 DDs 15,13, 10, 5 Bomb 7/19/04 S 8/12/04 – H moved in with OW (ex GF) 800 miles away Minimal contact with me or children 2/6/05 H told me he wanted to come back 3/13/05 H finished R with OW and officially came back.
So now I get to move to piecing which seems like a good step up (from being prostrate on the floor 7 months ago).
H went back to UK on 3/17/05 during which time he has sent lots of loving text messages and we have spoken most days.
He is due back on Saturday for a week.
So far we have not really discussed what happened and I can see it would be very easy for both of us to just pretend it hadn’t happened. We both avoid conflict, though I usually explode with the effort and start shouting at which point he exits (which is exactly what happened leading up to bomb). So goal number one is to start talking about it and feelings in general without fear or being defensive and to get him to talk about his feelings.
Alternatively I could just stick with my assumptions about what went wrong, ie loss of eye plus loss of love and OW offering nirvana caused major trauma wherein he was only able to blame me to justify himself.
Goal number 2 is to stop being mother and shift some responsibility for family and home onto him (without reverting to telling him all the things he NEVER does).
Goal number 3 is to have an adult romantic relationship with him which doesn’t include children all the time, and does include going out or away a deux sometimes and me looking more feminine and not like a dirty labourer most of the time.
Goal number 4 is to re-read the DR and finish all the books I have bought in the last six months and to keep posting here.
