Hang in there. I know it's tough when you have PMS. It sounds like your H is working towards ending things with OW, even though it's not at the pace you want it, at least you know he's trying. I read they go through a grieving process when they end things with OW, and that we are to be understanding. Oh how hard is that to do .
My H told me this morning that he started this whole mess with OW and now he has to end it like a man. I guess he didn't think about the mess he left when he left home
Keep up the good work!
Karen
M:43 H:37 D14 (ours) D18 (mine) S22 (mine) S18 (his) S: 10/2004 Bomb: 2/15/05 In/out of home Living with OW #4 Talks of D for 2-1/2 years
I have read about the grieving process and I am dreading it. I think that is why my H is ending it slowly. I think he wants to see what happens if he puts a little distance between them. I think he hopes it won't hurt as much if he does it this way.
I am going to try and wait and see what happens.
Quote: My H told me this morning that he started this whole mess with OW and now he has to end it like a man. I guess he didn't think about the mess he left when he left home
I have a hard time with the way my H is doing this too. I want to scream what about ME and the way I feel. What about what you are doing to me? I have actually said that to him (not screamed) and didn't get anywhere. So... we have to be patient and hopefully our turns will come when they consider our feelings in all this.
Trying to keep both updated. Hope we are piecing, so I am here. Can't leave all of you guys in Infidelity and only a few of you found me here so I keep going back and updating there too.
Sometimes I just copy and paste and sometimes it is different stuff.
Another positive for me. Like I said tonight I got sad (raging hormones at the moment). I put my head down on the desk when H came in to ask if I was done on the computer. He saw me and said what's wrong. I, of course, said nothing. Didn't want to go there with H (no R talks right). So he pulls me up and drags me to the bed. He starts rolling with me trying to cheer me up by being silly. He again says Hi (special pet name--it is special because before if I responded back Hi --- he would always give me a kiss)So, I, of course say, Hi---. He kisses me and we just look at each other for a moment. Then reality comes crashing in "Moooooommyyyyyy"
I have been feeling this need to escape for awhile. To just get away and not be mommy, not DB, just be get away from it all. I am afraid H will get mad if I do and worried he wouldn't be up to watching the kids for a whole weekend. He never has.
Sherry - I know that you feel a little get-away for yourself may be rocking the boat....but if you feel this is something that will improve your PMA, then I would hope your H would understand and not get angry. I know "easier said then done" I feel that way at times too, scared to rock the boat for fear it might unsettle things.
I think it's great your H tried to cheer you up - and that pet name game was good positive - and the reality is he is home now and you two are working on a new future, not the old past
I guess I am in a little slump. H has been great and it really has me confused. I can't reconcile what he has said over the last 4 months to what is happening now. Crazy, huh?
Sometimes it feels like he is DBing me. He has been different at home--definately not as angry, really positive and happy. I guess I am wondering if it is all real.
This morning, I was upset. Don't really know why. He asked if I was okay. I started crying. He asked what is wrong. I just said you don't want to know. I was typing a letter trying to sort out my feelings when he came in and asked. He asked me to come and sit on the bed with him. I did and left the letter up on the screen. He asked if I wanted him to read it. I said I don't know. He got up and read it.
The letter basically said that I was confused. I didn't know how or what I felt anymore. That I have a daily inner battle of staying or leaving, of having a hard time with what he has said in the past (how she was the reason he was able to be happy at home {this was early on in an R talk} and how he didn't know if he could chase me again with how he was acting now. I told him I didn't even care anymore what was going on with him and her and didn't want any details. I keep pulling away a little each day and acting like I am a single mother to protect myself from more pain. (He had mentioned last night how I had gone out to eat twice without him this week). I told him that I am preparing for the worst and not hoping for anything.
Anyway, he read it. He said he was putting the brakes on his R with ow but it was like stopping a train, it would take a while (he gave no details and I didn't ask). He said if he let the train just crash, it would have a ripple effect and he was trying to avoid that. ???? He said he has felt happy at home for the most part and it hasn't been an act. He said his trying to comfort me (he has a few times this week) has been genuine. He also said he has seen glimpses of his old feelings for me. I didn't say alot (not active DBing, just plain worn out emotionally). I did cry a litle more and he reached out and hugged me.
One good thing was it was a short R talk. I left with D to get out for awhile. He was gone with S when I got home. Since he has been home he has gone a bike ride. So, haven't really seen him alot since then.
I don't know. I should feel better, but I don't. I guess I am scared to hope. I promised myself I would not have expectations and that I would be prepared if he left again. So, how do you detach and pull away and try to rebuild an R. I guess in my head I can't actively rebuild until I know it is completely over with ow. What happens if I have nothing to give then, if I pull away too much while protecting myself?
Quote: Anyway, he read it. He said he was putting the brakes on his R with ow but it was like stopping a train, it would take a while (he gave no details and I didn't ask). He said if he let the train just crash, it would have a ripple effect and he was trying to avoid that.
I know how hard it is to try and understand why they cant just say it's over and be done with it - I dont understand the lingering either, but I know it seems like it does take a long time, like they have to burn themselves out it all. I guess that is where our patience has to come in at. But at least he's acknowledging to you that he is ending it.
The only advice I can give on that is he may go thru a withdrawl stage, I found this the best time to back off and really keep up my PMA - not look for reassurances from him or bring up any of "my" concerns. This is one of those times when it's all about "them" and when things can seem their most confusing..............just remain positive!!!!
Quote: Sometimes it feels like he is DBing me. He has been different at home--definately not as angry, really positive and happy. I guess I am wondering if it is all real.
I understand your wondering if it's real or not - being scared that it may be all an act, I think it's a normal feeling. I'm sure at times it may even seem so sugar-coated it makes you ill. But it is a positive, and it's an effort on his part, it's one of those things that you need to look and realize that your hard work and goals are paying off - it's baby steps for them too. Like us they get discouraged if they think their efforts arent being taken seriously.
I know your very confused right now and you are struggling with yourself wondering if it's all worth it. So from someone on the outside - who's in your shoes and keeping up with your posts, I can tell you I see alot of positives coming from your H and that your efforts are making a differance everyday! So keep your focus on the positive!
Tomorrow is a new day, Be positive, be open. Sherry, I wish you the best.
h has to end it. This train [censored], does not wash with me. You are the one that matters, all else does not. I would give my right n@@@@ to be back with my wife and kids. The lonliness is riping my sole out. To me there would be not choice. Sherry, he is noticing you and your actions, they speak lounder that words. DB and GAL. You be ready to look after you and your kids, if h wants to ride that would be great, but he has to come to the party 120%. Night Sherry, I have a 90km bike ride tomorrow to get ready for, least it should be 15 deg. c and sunny.
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