Just now read your post. Sound like things are going good for you. Congats on the job transfer. You H sounds like mine. He is also taking baby steps and I'm happy that he is. Just keep doing what you've been doing...it seems to be working.
Karen
M:43 H:37 D14 (ours) D18 (mine) S22 (mine) S18 (his) S: 10/2004 Bomb: 2/15/05 In/out of home Living with OW #4 Talks of D for 2-1/2 years
your doing really well with your babysteps! patience is the key. As you've read from my thread it's a hell of a roller coaster ride, full of ups and downs. and thank you for your reply.
DR can be very draining - mentally, physically and emotionally. At least your H was honest w/you about how he's trying to end things with OW. As you know it can be a hard set back to be told one thing to find out another.
Thanks everyone. I appreciate and need the kind words.
I did a little backslide today that actually turned out to be good and proved he is trying.
I got up and took me and the kids to church (overslept and missed Sunday School). Asked H if he was going to church, he said no. That just made me mad. D4 asked last night if daddy was going to church and again this morning. I just tell her to ask him. Anyway, I am mad, I am thinking, here I am taking OUR kids to church and he is going to call ow. I call and leave a vm (he was in the bathroom when we left, so I knew he wouldn't answer his phone). So, I said, Here is some productive stuff you could do while I am taking OUR kids to church instead of making a certain phone call. I then add, I am tired of being a single mom with you there. I am tired of this crap and want out. I hang up. He calls back after a few minutes and asks did you really think I stayed home to call ow. I said yes. He thens says, listen I am not spiritually ready to go to church yet. He asked have you not noticed that I have been trying, touching you more? I said yes I have noticed. He then says, this is what I planned to do this morning (reading paper, mowing the yard, going on a bike ride.) I was not going to have any rendevous today. I said I am not worried about rendevous. He said or any talking with her today. I just wanted you to know what I had in mind before you got to church and your mind went crazy. Now, this is a 180 for him. I thanked him for that. I also thanked him for not getting mad at my anger. (I had asked him when he returned to at least allow me some anger, emotion from time to time with what was going on especially if he expected me to give him more time to end it).
So, I think this is a good thing even though I let my anger get the better of me. (it is that time of the month, so....). I really do think he is trying. He does seem different, not as angry as before. I am still not getting my hopes up.
Hi Sherry I just got done reading your last post and you sounded like I did last week with My H, That time of the month can really get you in a mood, I think it is okay every now and then for us to let some kind of steam off, I did the same thing with My H last week and it did not hurt anything, Your H seems to be really trying I think that is a great thing, He is doing more then My H but I guess I just have to sit back and have patinece... Keep up the good work..
I came to piecing hoping that is what we are doing ever so slowly. Still not sure on that front though. Couldn't leave you guys over in Infidelity though (only a few of you found me here) so.. I have been posting in both. Sometimes I just copy, sometimes they are different posts. You don't have to keep bouncing back and forth. I am going to try and keep posting in both.
Thanks Lisa.
Yeah, my H seems to be trying which helps. I think he realizes I may leave and for some reason he doesn't want that. I am still moving slowly and not expecting a whole lot, though.
The ow thing still bothers me but I have tried to put that out of my head. I have given it to God. I feel like He will work this thing out just in his time and in his way. I have to be patient. It is just sooooooooooo hard.
Hey Sherry, I just wanted to check in. Congrats on the transfer! I know how negatively work can affect your life so I hope this helps you.
When's the last time you read DR? Sometimes when I am having a tough time I start reading it again, even if I only read a chapter it helps to get me back on track.
Quote: The ow thing still bothers me
Of course it does, you wouldn't be human if it didn't. You have to try not to think about her. (I know it is very hard). Focus on you, what have you done for Sherry lately?
Letting him know what you would like him to do to help around the house is good...next time just leave out the instead of calling ow part! I would take the fact that he even responded to your message as a positive!
Quote: I would take the fact that he even responded to your message as a positive!
Oh, I do take that as a huge positive. Before he would not have responded at all or he would have been very angry.
After this incident I looked back over the last week or so and realized he has not been as angry or moody. I really do think he is coming around ever so slowly and putting forth some effort. I do think he will end it with ow just in his time and his way. I think he has choosen in his head (the reality of the sitch sunk in) and now he is dealing with his feelings.
Still not getting my hopes up though. Thats a long fall I can do without. Just going to keep plugging along focusing on me and the kids.
Part of my problem has been PMS (AAAAAGGGGGGGGG) and with everyone being sick I have not been able to go to the gym or do anything to GAL lately. So, I am going to do that this week.
Quote: After this incident I looked back over the last week or so and realized he has not been as angry or moody. I really do think he is coming around ever so slowly and putting forth some effort. I do think he will end it with ow just in his time and his way. I think he has choosen in his head (the reality of the sitch sunk in) and now he is dealing with his feelings.
At least your seeing the progress in his efforts over time and thats a plus right there. It's so hard to sit and wait for them to finally put an end to things focus is 100% on the M without our pride and frustrations getting in the way. That in itself can make it hard to see the effort they may be putting forth. I guess this is where the patience thing comes in.
I would take the fact that he even responded to your message as a positive!