I disagree with what NY says about the trend, when you back off it doesn't necessarily draw him closer...what happens when you don't answer the phone...he is irritated and annoyed when you do talk to him. I don't think see that he only distances himself when you pursue.
He thinks the reason you are unhappy is because of what he did...robbed you of your potential greatness in life, cheated on you, whatever....show him that you are happy. Nobody wants to be around somebody who is miserable, especially if they are miserable.
Maybe he is looking for more than you are giving him, next time he asks if you want him to leave tell him the truth: No H, I don't want you to leave. Leave it at that.
I was a bit stunned when saw the advice to have hopes and expectations....I think most of us here try not to, say we don't but of course we all do. You have been spending so much time obsessing and dwelling and overanalyzing what you want and what your H wants it's like you are numb.
Quote: J's not at the "next phase". All H said was he won't leave. That is not the same as saying, "Honey, I want to work on this marriage".
My H moved out for 2.5 months, he has been home since mid-oct., in January he told me that he wasn't "working on the m" but he wasn't leaving his kids, in Feb he told me he wasn't "ready to work on the m yet" and was still emailing ow (no PA she is out of state)...we are obvioulsy not perfect and I of course still have doubts but things are improving.
The point is he may never say that he wants to stay and work on the m, that doesn't mean that he's not going to work on it or doesn't want to.
Next time your H wants to talk about your R talk to him, listen to what he is saying, let him do 80% of the talking and most importantly VALIDATE his feelings.
Hope I'm not rambling too much...Sage has very successfully DB'd her m, read her threads, there is lots of good stuff there!
One other thing...what have you done for yourself lately? You need to GAL!
