He's leaving

[sage]

JV -- I'm sorry you're having such a hard time right now. It sounds like the conversation with h was extremely painful for both of you.

To be completely honest, I don't feel (from your post) as though h "made his choice". It sounds like the first part of the phone call was very much about his fears about your expectations and his guilt. He didn't seem clear or definitive about what he wanted at all...

He was talking about all of the guilt he's going through, and he didn't know what to expect when he got here. H said he didn't know what I was planning on saying to him when he got here. I told H I wasn't "planning" on anything. Then H said, "Well...I know we need to talk, but it's always been so hard for me to say what I want without hurting you." I told H to just tell me what he wanted. He said he didn't see how he could go on living like this, feeling like he ruined my life and vice versa,..............

After hearing everything, I asked, "So...are you telling me that this is what you want?"

There were at least two (probably many more) possible "solutions" to h's stated dilemma above (didn't know how long he could live like this feeling as though he had ruined your life..)

One was that he could "stop living like this" (which I think is the one you assumed he was gravitating towards) and the other was for both of you to stop feeling/acting as though he had "ruined your life" and vise versa.

Do you see what the latter possibilities means? It's about figuring out a way to forgive each other and move on from here.

Personally, I think that h WAS holding both of those possibilities in his mind....do you?

I really thought we had a chance, even if it was only a small one. I was willing to try for it. If only he was willing. If only he really wanted.

I think you DO have a chance, JV.

Sage