He's leaving

[ValerieA]

Hey there, NY. How have you been? Thank you for your thoughts. They're always appreciated.

Yes, I need to work more again on detaching. With H being away as long as he has this time, it's been hard not thinking about things and having the feelings that follow them. I need to work on regaining MY happiness for ME and my boys. For me, my happiness always involved H, but little by little, I have been feeling like I'll be alright should he decide to leave. That could be why I sometimes have feelings of relief when I've thought about H leaving.

"...do not greet H with great enthusiasm when he gets back." - Ok, I was planning on giving H a hug when he arrived and MAYBE a small kiss after seeing how the hug went, but......I shouldn't? You think that would be too much? Pursuing? Maybe I should just greet him with a smile and a "Hey! I'm glad you're home safe!"?......Anyone? I'd appreciate any and all thoughts on that.

I don't have a whole lot to report about today. This morning while washing the dishes after breakfast, the phone rang. I answered and it was H. I only answered because I didn't think it would be him - H has only called after 6pm before. Anyway, he wanted to let me know that (co-worker) will be dropping off some displays after 6pm tonight, so H just wanted to be sure that I would be home for that. He asked what I was going to do today, and I said not much. The kids go back to school tomorrow so I planned on going to get stuff for S9's lunches, S5 needed some new shoes, and I also wanted to get a walker for the baby.

Then H just went on telling me about everything that's been happening at (boss)'s house to irritate him. Mainly (boss)'s wife and their EXTREMELY unruly 3 year old son. H talked nonstop for a good 10 minutes. Somewhere in that convo, H mentioned how he and another co-worker went out to eat last night. Now, I was wondering why yesterday H said he had to get off the phone because (boss and his wife) wanted to go out for dinner, but when talking with H today, there was no mention of what made those plans change - if that was even the truth at all. Sorry, I know I'm jumping to conclusions and ASSuming . It can be difficult believing what H says sometimes because he frequently does different from what he said he was going to do before.

So after H was done venting, he said he had to go and get back to work. As I was saying "alright", H just hung up! Not even a "goodbye"! What the heck is that?! You know, he has done that before while talking to a friend or whoever. H always thought it was kind of funny to irk someone like that. He did it to me a few times in the past, and I told him I didn't find it amusing and would appreciate it if he wouldn't do it to me again. I told H I thought it was rude so he stopped. Knowing that, why would he do it now?

Another goal I would like to achieve is H asking me how MY day went (I'll have to refine this and make it more solution/action-based). Everytime we talk, he never asks me how I'M doing. It's always "WHAT are you doing?"! Does H think that because I don't work and I stay home with the kids everyday that I've got it sooo easy?! I know how stressful he has it everyday, and I care enough to ask all the time even when I know that I'm going to "hear it all". It's just so frustrating that it has to be all about him right now before I can have any bit of my needs met. But I feel like it's been all about H for the past year or so. He always went out and did things without me even though he knew it upset me......Ok. I think I have had enough venting for now.

Two more days and H will be here.

Thanks for listening.