I was just mulling things over like you said and not trying to jump to any conclusions.
Everyone DOES deal with guilt differently.
It's just been alot harder for me to understand why H has so much guilt. There have been alot of lies from H and at times I feel like I don't know all there is to know about his A. I feel like he's still keeping something from me. Part of me wants to know every detail, but the other part says "no way"!
You're probably right. Maybe I am in fact not ready to move on. I feel like I am because I just want to forget about what's happened and to some extent so does H, but am I moving (or trying to move) too fast for him? It seems like if I try to slow down, then I get to thinking and this is when I start to hurt myself with all these thoughts - "why is H still feeling guilty? Did they or didn't they? Are they or aren't they?" It can go on and on if I don't speed it up again.
I honestly don't know if it would change what I'm doing now.
I guess I should stop trying to "dissect" what's going on with H and just try to be happy since he hasn't left yet. I have to accept the fact that I cannot speed up the process for him. Maybe not even for myself. I just want my life back, but this time without everything that got us here.
Like I keep saying, time and patience are not easy for me. I know - that's just tough and too bad! I'm trying though, I really am.
Thanks again.
Valerie
"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination." ~ author unknown
