He's leaving

[ValerieA]

Hello.

Thanks, Sherry. I understand what you're saying, and I know a change of scenery wouldn't be the answer to our problems. I guess I may have not been clear enough. I meant that the possibility of moving might be something I will consider in the future if things are where we'd like them to be in our R. It would be tough moving away from family, but if our R was ever solid again (it would have to be) and this is what H would want to do, then I would do it for US.

Funny thing happened! Yesterday, I was thinking about the "moving" issue. Today, H was thinking about it!

H called to talk to the kids awhile ago. S9 handed over the phone and said Dad wanted to talk to me. We chatted for a bit seeing what each other had been up to and how things were going. H asked how the boys were behaving then how the baby was doing. I told him all the little new things the baby is starting to do and how BIG he is getting. The baby is babbling "dada" now, I told H this, and he loved it!

After a short while, H said, "Can I ask you something?" I said yes. H asked, "If things work out for us, would you ever consider moving to AZ?" I said, "You know what? I was actually thinking about that possibility yesterday!" H said, "Really?!" Then H went on telling me how he's been thinking about his family - us. H said he has so much guilt and he wants to get rid of it. H said he wants me to be happy whether it's with or without him. H said he just feels like starting all over and moving away from here because he feels like he screwed everything up here so bad. H said he thinks we could be very happy there.

I said to H what I posted a minute ago. I told H I didn't think a change of scenery was going to solve our problems. I told him I wouldn't want to move in 3 months, 6 months, or even 2 years if it meant that a year after being there we found ourselves right back in the same rut. I told H before anything changed, we'd have to be in a M that we both want. I don't want H to move us there because he feels a bigger, nicer house would make me happy, and it turned out H was still unhappy. I wouldn't want to just do it for H and find myself miserable down the road either.

H then said that he didn't want to run away from his problems. I wanted to get off the subject, so I asked why his voice sounded different. Sounded like he might be coming down with a cold, but he said he was fine. We talked a little more. Mostly about how his boss' wife is driving him crazy!

H said he has installs through Tuesday next week, so he should be home by Wednesday. Thursday at the latest. He said he'd call me before he gets here. Then we said bye.

The whole convo, I was dying to tell H how much I miss him and love him, but I didn't. I REALLY wanted to say "ILY", but I was afraid of getting a response I didn't want like "alright" or "ok". H was saying the "ILY"s for some time, but now since he hasn't for awhile, I'm afraid to initiate one.

Thanks for listening, everybody.