As I said in my previous post, the boys stayed at my parents' house last night. After I cleaned up our house, I went out with a few of my friends. We went to the city and had a blast! It kept my mind off of H, for awhile at least.
Anyhow, the kids and I went to my SIL's today for my niece's 1st birthday party. I couldn't stay long - SIL has a dog and two cats, and I am VERY allergic to pet hair. I was there for only 20 minutes, and my throat and eyes became itchy so I left S9 and S5 there with MIL. The baby and I came home.
I put the baby down for a nap, didn't really have anything to do, so I decided to play some poker online. I played a couple of tournaments, and it turns out I won a free entry to play for a possible entry into the World Series of Poker! I believe it costs 10K to get into that tournament! The tourney for which I won the free entry starts just after 9pm pst. It's a looooongshot, but wish me luck!
I called H about 30 minutes ago to say "hi" and tell him about this. After a minute into the convo, H said, "I thought we weren't going to talk? What - you can just change your mind at will?" I let it roll off my back and said, "I just thought you'd like to hear this. Plus I wanted to see how the show went for you guys." H tells me how horrible it was then asks me for more details on the tourney. We pleasantly talked for about 10 minutes then H told me that he felt like calling last night because he started having a panic attack (H often has them when he's away from home. His doctor even told him to go talk to a psychiatrist, but H WILL NOT DO IT!). H said he decided not to call though because he wasn't sure if I would've been home or not, and if he was unable to get a hold of me, it would've made him feel worse. Then H asked what I did last night. I told him I went out with so-and-so. H said, "That's what I f***ing thought. Bye. (Click!)"
Should I have not told H that I went out? I was only being honest. I feel like he thinks it's ok when he wants to go out, but when I want to, NOOOOO! Not without H at least. Before the bomb dropped, H was ALWAYS going out to do things WITHOUT ME. I used to complain alot about it, but when I realized it never helped anything, I stopped. He would go out all the time (doing who knows what), and I would stay home all the time. Now whenever I go out without H, I'm made to feel like the bad guy. Like I'M doing something wrong! Sometimes I just feel like telling him, "Look - you had it YOUR way for 4 months. Now it's MY turn." BUT, of course, I won't. I will sit here and keep my mouth shut as usual.
Whew.....Venting. It does wonders.
Thanks for listening.
Valerie
"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination." ~ author unknown
