My MIL came by to pick up S9 and S5 to take them to visit with her for awhile. She already knows that I am aware of her knowing about our sitch.
MIL asked me how things were going, and I told her they're not going anywhere at the moment. I told MIL about the "break" we are giving each other while H's gone. She said, "So he's still being wishy-washy, huh?" I said yes. We talked about all of H's concerns and indecision. We got to a point where I told MIL about H saying that I decided his life for him, that he never wanted kids or marriage. MIL began telling me H is so full of it. She recalled when we got married and how thrilled H was. She said, "He was SOOO happy, JV! It was all he could talk about!" Then MIL told me that when H and her were talking on Friday, H told her that I was controlling! He said I MADE him buy me new cars! I MADE him move us out of our condo and buy this house 3 years ago! I MADE all the decisions in his life!
How in the world was I controlling?! I take FULL responsibility for two MAJOR decisions in our life together - the first was having S9, and the second was having our 3rd and final S. I DID NOT MAKE H choose to come back into my life when I was pregnant with S9. I DID NOT MAKE H choose to marry me. I DID NOT MAKE H choose to have a 2nd child with me. I DID NOT MAKE H choose to buy me ANY new car. I DID NOT MAKE H choose to buy me a house.
I am beyond angry right now! The first new car we had was a surprise gift from H to me. It was a gift for me after I had S5. I had no idea about it! MIL remembers! She went with him to pick it out! She remembered H saying how he really wanted to get it for me - he said I deserved it! The second new car we got was because H wanted a bigger truck. He asked me if I liked it when we were only looking, and I said yeah, it's cool. H said, "I want to get it for you!" I told H there was nothing wrong with my car and I didn't need a newer one, but he wasn't hearing it. So how did I make those two choices for him?
Now the house. We used to own a condo. It was the perfect size for H, me, and S9. Then we had S5. After a couple of years, we BOTH agreed that things seemed to be getting a little cramped. One day, H drove me to a house for sale and asked, "What do you think?" I had no idea what was going on so I said, "About what?" H said the house. I said it was nice so then H said let's take a look inside. We went inside and our real estate agent is in there (she sold us our condo). Ok, so now I have a better sense of what's going on. H is considering selling the condo and buying this house. After checking everything out, we went back home to our condo and H asked if I liked what I saw. I said yes. H asked, "Would you like to live in it? What if I could get that house for us?" I was kind of dumbstruck at first then I said, "H, it's a nice house, but would we be able to afford it?" H breaks down all our finances, etc, etc and assures me we can do it. I remember EXACTLY what I said to H! I said, "H, if you want to buy that house, if we can afford it, then go for it. DO NOT take us out of the condo if you aren't ABSOLUTELY sure of it!" H left for an hour or two, came back and said, "Guess what? We got the house!" I was like, "Are you serious?!" H said, "Happy Birthday, JV! ILY!" (Yes, this happened on my birthday.) Again I ask, how did I make this decision for H? And again, H was the one who wanted a second child at that time! So how am I at fault there?
I feel like calling H up and giving him a piece of my mind. But of course I won't! I am so irate! Thank goodness the kids are with MIL.
I'm going to hit the treadmill now before they get home and let off some more steam.
Sorry, just venting and thanks for hearing it.
Valerie
"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination." ~ author unknown
