Quote: Wow! How positive! You had mentioned that you wouldn't get in the car...and now here's h acknowledging the intrusion of the car in your lives! Excellent!
Yes, that's definitely a plus there! I didn't see it that way at first. I felt some relief, but at the same time, I felt a bit guilty. I even told H when he said he was thinking of getting rid of it, "You don't have to get rid of the car. It's a nice car, I know you really like it, and you deserve to keep it." H said he'd think about it some more.
Last night H left for Oregon to give back the car. I told him again that he didn't have to, but H said yes he does. H said he wants to make things better and that's one of the things he needs to do.
So, yes! Absolutely a positive!
Quote: I really wish that I could convince you to take a hiatus and just view "doing nothing" as a perfectly ok way to handle things for the time being. (where "doing nothing" means not pushing for answers or action). It's a very powerful thing to just "go with it" for some time.
I don't think I need the convincing (or maybe I do ). I think H needs it! H brings up R talks EVERYDAY. H keeps saying he's sorry, he's confused, he doesn't know, etc, etc. I do my best to avoid this stuff when I feel it coming, but H won't let it go!
Sage, I think I've picked up on a clue from H telling me what he wants, and please tell me if you think otherwise:
Can you remember in one of my previous posts where I said H was saying sorry again, and instead of me saying it was ok, I chose to say, "You should be sorry!..."? I think I said what I said because of something H said prior to that. H said, "I don't understand why you don't hate me! JV, if you were talking to another man, I WOULD LEAVE YOU! I wouldn't put up with it! I wouldn't tell you it was ok!"......I also remember you wrote that maybe H was looking for me to agree with him that what he did was AWFUL.
I've been having my doubts about everything for awhile now. Yesterday was a very "doubtful" day for me. H called last night while he was on the road to Oregon. It was during a "down" time for me. H asked what's wrong. I said I don't know. He asked again what was wrong, and I told him I just didn't know. I'm not sure of anything myself right now. H said neither is he. I told him I feel stuck, like I don't know what I want anymore. H TELLS ME to just take it easy! H TELLS ME that everything will be ok, and we'll get through this one way or another! For the first time, H SOUNDED like he REALLY believes that. But I remind myself not to get TOO enthusiastic about anything anymore because we all know how VERY confused my H is.
H will be leaving for AZ either tomorrow or Thursday. I REALLY want to avoid all R talks, all emotions, all uncertainties. I feel like I want to avoid H altogether while he's away. The whole time! I feel like suggesting that we shouldn't talk to each other while H is away. I think we need a break from each other. Not a separation - just a break. I can have the kids call him everyday like always, but I don't want to talk to him. I want to do absolutely nothing! Is this a bad idea?
H will be home around 3 or 4pm today. Thanks for listening.
Valerie
"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination." ~ author unknown
). I think H needs it! H brings up R talks EVERYDAY. H keeps saying he's sorry, he's confused, he doesn't know, etc, etc. I do my best to avoid this stuff when I feel it coming, but H won't let it go! 
