He's leaving

[ValerieA]

Hi, Sage.

...what does it take to bring some positives back into your sitch? How are you doing with putting together some goals?

I came up with a few goals after reading DR the first time. Even after reading DR a second and third time, they have not changed. So for me, here's what it would take to bring back some positives into our R:

1. H would take me out more often to see a movie, play pool, go to the city, etc. H would arrange for the babysitter(s) every now and then and surprise me. (No poker though - I don't consider that to be "together" time.)

2. H would talk to me more. About anything is fine so we could be friends again. He would speak to me with less anger/irritability in his tone when and if he's stressed about work, kids, money, etc. I'm here to listen and do my best to comfort H, but I don't always want to be vented on. (This is a daily thing.)

3. H would hold my hand, put his arm around my waist, etc as we walk TOGETHER, side by side. He would make me feel like his one and only woman. (When we are walking with each other, H walks ahead of me. I feel left behind.)

These are all good things that used to exist in the earlier years of our R. I always felt special to H. I felt like he really loved me.

I would also have to say that I have noticed a baby step since looking over my goals again. H is sharing his feelings with me more often. They're not exactly the ones I want to hear, but he is sharing and that's good.

I reread DR last night and came to the part where Michele says to pick a time to tell H about my goals, but since our M is barely hanging by a thread, I should not. Although H said he wanted to be together the other night, last night he said he still was so confused about whether or not he wants to be here.

I don't want to lay on any more pressure (intentional or not). I don't want to deliver an ultimatum, but I feel like I'm right around the corner from doing so. I don't know how much more I can stand. In our convo the other night, I told H that I am tired. I am so tired of all of this. I just want to move on, and I feel like he won't let me. I told H if I move on with him, great. If not, then so be it. Either way, I'm ready. I really am. I know it's going to be rough going down either road, but I am ready to do it.

Thanks for listening.