He's leaving

[ValerieA]

No, I really never wanted H to leave, but instead of begging, pleading, crying for him to stay, I did tell him that he should go if he's not happy here and I would understand. I haven't been acting too cheery lately (I am trying though) and have been just going through my daily routine. I'm trying not to be bothered by anything.

Well, earlier before H, S9, and S5 left for their day out together, H said that a friend is having a farewell get-together at his place tonight (he's moving to Hawaii). H asked if I wanted to go. I said I wasn't sure, I'd have to see about a sitter for the kids. H said that he didn't want to go unless I went with him.

So, I've made arrangements for S9 and S5 to go to MIL's again tonight, and my parents will watch the baby. I called H on his cell about 45 minutes ago to tell him this. I said I just wanted to tell him that the kids were taken care of if he still wanted to go to (friend)'s house. H asked if I was going with him, and I said if he wanted me to. H kind of let out a sigh and said tersely, "I don't know." Then his tone got a lot more aggravated and he said, "Two days ago, I thought I was moving out, and now, I just don't know. I could care less about going to (friend)'s tonight....I have to go to AZ in 3 days. I want to get this resolved. I don't want to cry or have a breakdown. I want to have a conversation with you later when I get back, ok?" I said ok then we said bye. Like I said, H sounded aggravated, almost angry.

H hasn't packed anything, but he is a procrastinator most of the time, so it wouldn't surprise me if he did it all right before he planned on leaving. Right now, I think he'd only take his clothes and the bare necessities anyway.

I'm afraid of what may be said during our convo. I know, I'm thinking and/or expecting the worst right now, and I probably shouldn't do that. Or should I? I feel totally unprepared for this upcoming convo.

Any and all advice on how to possibly prepare myself for this would be deeply appreciated. Thank you.