This is something I have done lately. Let's see all of February my husband and I only had sex once. Then came March and the first week of March we had sex one night. To me it felt like pity sex because I had been complaining a lot. He was so angry and crabby the next day. He certainly didn't seem to be this happy guy who just got laid. So I thought to myself why di I do this to myself. I really started to think about things and just how much this consumes me and has changed me. So that was 3 weeks ago and in the meantime I have let my husband know that he was off the hook. I didn't want sex from him anymore. I told him I needed to work on myself and not let this consume me and hurt me anymore. I told him he could no longer hurt me if I was the one making the decision that our sex life would stop for now. Then I asked him to stop checking up on me a couple weeks ago and told him I understood why he would be insecure because he has not fulfilled me for so long as in the quantity. This angered him soooooooo much. He started screaming about how he wasn't insecure. That he just chose to not have sex with me because he didn't want to.That he could get erections it was all me that caused him to not get one. His erection problem has only happened maybe 4 times in the past 3 years. So in all the way I took it as he see's himself as secure and a normal sex drive,,,,,he just choses not to use it as a weapon and a source to hurt. He said I don't care how you feel. I am not checking up on you I could care less what you do. But lately I have seen some changes. He was angry when I was late from work. Wouldn't dare say anything to me but I could tell. He keeps checking our call history on the I.D. The man hardly ever touches the phone. He was trying the other day to get into one of my old yahoo accounts and has been checking my e-mail. He came to my work and had the kid's run in some movies that weren't even due for another day. So he sure acts like he cares about something but he would be damned to admit he was feeling insecure. I am sure not all men are this difficult.
But it has been three weeks since sex. Normally I would be crawling the walls but I am so content. Maybe it is because I made the decision? Also I am working through a lot of things and stepping back to look at the whole picture. I am going out more even if it is just to shop or go to lunch with a friend. I admit I do feel really lonely and am scared of that feeling. But I don't feel trapped because I made the decision. Therefore I don't feel as much anger and resentment towards him right now. Maybe he is curious as to why I seem to be happier?
But I am seeing so much more we need to work on. Not just sexual issues but many more. Like respect and communication. Expecially communicating our needs. Like I realized I even can be a bad communicator. LOL I talk a whole lot. But it's in the way I convey it. Like this weekend I had been asking my husband to recaulk the bathtub. It looked terrible because the caulk was turning black. I had asked for weeks and he ignored me. So instead of causing a big huge fight or nagging as he would call it I just decided to handle the situation. I called my dad and asked him if he would do it for me. Which of course he was happy to do and came over right away. I explained to husband nicely that my dad was coming to do it and I had asked him but didn't get a response and I didn't want to nag so just took action and got a job done that needed to be. I thought he would be ticked I called my dad. I think deep down he must have felt bad because he didn't leave my dad's side as he was working.But at least I didn't nag and didn't fight.
Has anyone else ever tried to step back from the situation?
