You remember a lot! Yes, I am still at an OK weight, but am not exercising enough. The weather is delightful, though, and I am taking nice long walks.
I didn't post because I got very busy at work and because I wanted to see if I could fly solo for a while. I found out that I could, but my curiosity as to how you all are doing got the best of me.
Just let me put in my dos centavos wrt counselling. Last Fall, the Japanese counsellor told me that she thought our sleeping with the kids would cause them to be less likely to initiate things in school and with friends. Thinking that I had ammunition for my case against sleeping with the kids, I told my W what the C had said. Six months later, it is dawning on both W and me that the JC may have been right. There are two lessons that can be drawn from this. First, the effects of counselling may be felt over a long period of time. Second, the spouse who does not initiate the counselling needs to be ready to listen to what the C has to say. It may be valuable to drag an unwilling spouse to a counsellor, but you may have to wait some time before cashing in.
My next step? We are going out of town to a wedding at the end of April. Just the two of us overnight in a hotel. In the same bed. I'm liking my chances.
BTW I can't get the idea of "Vitamin P" out of my head. Why hadn't I heard it before? I guess I need to hang around the gym more.
Quote: First, the effects of counselling may be felt over a long period of time. Second, the spouse who does not initiate the counselling needs to be ready to listen to what the C has to say. It may be valuable to drag an unwilling spouse to a counsellor, but you may have to wait some time before cashing in.
I agree with the LOOOONG time statement if it also hase some action or small behavior changes thrown in. I think just using time might not work in many cases. To me it would be get the kids out of the marriage bed and then maybe in 6 months W will se it was a good change.
Re; I can't get the idea of "Vitamin P" out of my head. Paul, did you see the movie "Boys in the Hood" One boy (football player) was living at home but had his girlfriend living there too. Another guy (recently out of jail), commented to the (football guy) He was lucky because he had in-house "P". It was so funny when I heard it.
I was working in a deliquent boys grouphome at the time. The boys were mostly junior criminals that were what we called "wana-bees", refering to wanting to be real bad gang members. The boy's real lives were not too far off from the movie.
Thanks for the info about the origins of Vitamin P. I remember when the song about O.P.P. was going around (Other people's *&%$#). It just so happened I was driving through Ontario and was stopped by an officer of the Ontario Provincial Police. I was sure that they got a lot of ribbing about it, so I stifled myself.
Aren't you in Montana? They have ganster wannabes in Montana? What's next?
W found another excuse to leave me this morning after I sidled up to her. The kids get up on Sunday morning to watch a show, and we should have that hour or so together; but once she is out of the bed, it is next to impossible to get her back in. Again, we have fun together during the day, but it doesn't lead to increased desire on her part. I hate to count days, but it has been nearly a month.
Hairy, Did you get a chance to read the paper this morning? No? Good. I have something interesting for you from the The Daily Pot.
So I went to a church rummage sale a couple of weekends ago. I was browsing through the boxes of books in order to find something to read while incarcerated at Saint Slice-you-up. I found a lonely box with only one book left inside. I picked up the book and it was "Understanding the Enneagram". !! I was so surprised I said, H! This is the personality test I've been trying to get you to take. The book was 75 cents (within my budget, IOW, lol) and so I bought it. I read it over the next couple days and found it very interesting. I especially like the part in the book where it talks about each type and has a heading called "How to get along with me". That will be useful to me.
Two things jumped out at me, after reading the book:
1. I get it. In the way that your counselor was talking about, I get it! I was attempting to explain the concept to H, but not wanting to give away too much in the hopes that he will read it himself, so I picked a number and began explaining it. It was the number I had picked out for his mom, so he eventually said, That sounds like my mom! We both agreed it was EERY how closely the descriptions of 2's matched her behavior. Then he said, Tell me about your number. Instantly I said, Oh noooooooo. No, I really don't want to H! He asked why not and I said, Cause all the characteristics sound so fruit and negative to me. I did tell him and he said, They sound like you, they don't sound negative. Anyway, I totally understand what you were talking about that day. When I look at the list of characteristics, as outlined by the authors, I was inwardly cringing and thinking, Oh what a doofus.
2. I read the chapter about 6's pretty intently, as I am nearly positive that's what he is. The thing that leaped out at me was the role that Fear played in their daily routine. I read this and thought, well that doesn't really apply to him but everything else is pretty accurate. A week or so later we were talking about our childhood. H was telling stories and I, as usual, had tears running down my face and couldn't even talk I was laughing so hard. But I noticed a pattern. In almost EVERY story (there were at least 10) he prefaced it with, This was my greatest fear...The thing I feared most was...I lived in fear of this happening. ETC It was really striking and was the first time that I had ever noticed this about him!
I was wondering if this was something you experienced also?
Anyway, wasn't that a divinely inspired find at the rummage sale...all the other boxes were full to the brim with (mostly romance) books. And here sat this empty box with the book turned upside down.
Anyway, I thought you would want to know what you started, LOL.
I took the brief Enneagram test recently. Is there a site that has the full test for free? The brief test indicated that I was a two (8 points), closely followed by 6 (6 points) What does that mean? I suppose I am a helper, but I don't know about all of that other stuff.
Wow, HP...that's cool that you found the book so cheap! I paid full price for it at Barnes and Noble. And so cool that he recognized his mom. And so cool that you thought you were the worst type, and that he thought otherwise. I'd say things are good in the enneapot household.
And csw, the only sites I know of are www.enneagramcentral.com and what you might find by searching google.
Quote: I found a lonely box with only one book left inside. I picked up the book and it was "Understanding the Enneagram". !!
I make my living rummaging through books at rummage sales etc. In addition to the books I can actually sell for some money, I've been accumulating quite a little pile of books about the topics we discuss on this BB. The thing that kind of freaks me out is the kind or problems we all are experiencing are recognized and discussed in books I have from the 1920's and the 1970's but the "solutions" to the problems offered differ quite a bit. I have to try and avoid having the depressing thought that maybe it's a bit arrogant to believe that we live in a magical era of progress in which a problem that people have faced since the dawn of the institution of marriage has finally found a solution in the recently published books we've all been reading and discussing.
BTW: In one of the enneagram books I bought, I read that Type 7 s are most closely associated with the stereotypical Irish personality type. That makes sense if you think about the institution of the wake.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Quote: what do you mean, "institution of the wake"?
I mean that the Irish wake is a very Type 7 way of dealing with death. Instead of sitting around being somber and sad, you have a drunken party and laugh about all the fun times you had with the dear deceased and celebrate what was their life.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
